burning platform

Time is flying past really really fast and the fear is slowly starting to set in.

I got 58.5 for my GP, which is a C. I was stunned. I was expecting an A or B. I got 34 for my essay and 24.5 for my comprehension (which was characterized by a 1.5/8 for my summary). I was stunned, honestly. I left the paper feeling good about it. I secretly want to hold both the paper and the markers in contempt, but I will learn nothing from that. I am still confident of getting an A for GP at the A Levels. I must. It will shake the foundations of my identity if I do not. Then and again, that might go on to make me a better person, but I am not going to let my "in the big picture, in the long run, nothing is a big deal" nonsense deter me from doing what must be done.

I got a 63 for my Southeast Asian History, which is a B. I didn't do my International History paper so I'll get a 0 for that, but I'll be taking the paper tomorrow for practice's sake and I desperately want to score an A or B. I need that element of security, to know that I can confidently and easily score for at least one of the papers.

Physically, I've just been feeling so bloody lethargic. I still cough up phlegm from time to time, suggesting that my lungs haven't completely cleaned themselves out. My metabolism is definitely slowing down- I feel terribly cold everywhere I go, and I'm still eating far less than I should. Above all, I miss feeling physically powerful. The feeling like you can just do anything. That's it, I'm going to hit the gym today. I'm pretty sure it'll help me get my appetite up and lethargy down again.

If there's anything about me that's truly respectable, it's that you can never keep me down.