Wednesday, September 30, 2009
<40 days left- intensity begins.
So we've reached the halfway point. With only 40 days left, I have absolutely no excuse whatsoever to put in anything less than 100%.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Faisal Isa is the next Singapore Idol
So I finally decided to check out the Singapore Idol Season 3 clips on YouTube, and I'd like to make a bold prediction. FAIZAL ISA will win Singapore Idol 3.
Why do I say this? It's glaringly obvious that the 3rd Singapore Idol will, following in the footsteps of Taufik Batisah and Hady Mirza, also be a Malay male. There are two simple reasons for this- female teenagers, and Malay solidarity. The Malay community in Singapore is by far the strongest and most tight-knit, and will definitely spend much more time and money to vote for one of their own. I'm guessing a good 80% of the votes come from 20% of the voters, which pretty much sums up the Malay teenage-girl phenomenon.
Of course, Faizal isn't going to win simply because he's a Malay guy. He's got the looks, he's got the charisma, and most importantly, he already looks like Idol material. When I first saw him, I thought he was a Jason Mraz wannabe because he was singing a Jason Mraz song and wearing that trademark Jason Mraz hat. But he impressed me with his growth as a performer, which clearly suggests that he knows what he wants and what he has to do to reach that dream. Granted, I could be cynical and say that he's simply getting out of one cliché mold and jumping into another, but that would be undermining the amount of effort and dedication it takes. Besides, he's a young kid and has a lot of room to grow.
My previous bet was on Farhan Shah, but he simply doesn't seem as strong a contestant as Faizal. He certainly has the looks, but doesn't quite seem talented enough in comparison. If he has an intelligent, marketing mind, he could be the next Paul Twohill- (who gets to do all sorts of fun kinky stuff with Kay Kay in Chick Vs. Dick, that lucky bastard.)
Of the three Malay guys in the competition, Sezairi Sezali is by far the most musically and vocally talented. I know him as a hardworking fellow who has earned his stripes in the local music scene with the band Juxtapose. He's a seasoned performer, which should earn you credit- but we've seen how much help that was to Syltra Lee. He's also got interesting, diverse and refined tastes- but I don't think that will help him very much either. I imagine the Singapore Idol experience is going to be good exposure for him and his music though, and I'm betting he'll stay around for a long time because he's an interesting character. Album sales will be good for you, Sezairi!
Dark Horses:
Charles "Stitch" Wong will be around much longer than any of us expect him to be. The smart thing to do would be not to overdo the beatboxing and the guitar-playing all at once. Regardless, he will likely win the Ah Lian votes and I wouldn't be surprised if he were the Idol Runner-Up like Sylvester Sim or Jonathan Leong. He could then go on to have a decent career in the Mandarin music scene, perhaps.
Duane Ho is a solid vocalist, and has the cute-lovable-teddy-bear image going for him. Unfortunately, he's a novelty character. He will definitely be shed before the end, but how long he can stay depends on the strength of his fanbase. He may go pretty far, but he will not make it to the final four.
Got Chance:
Nurul Huda is a very strong contestant- she has good vocals, and is a very comfortable performer. She has style and pizazz and will go quite a distance. I'm looking forward to seeing her next few performances. I'm guessing she might make it to Final 4.
I would love for Malaque to go all the way and win it; then I can proudly say that I lost TPJC Songfest to the girl who would go on to become Singapore Idol! She's a wonderful personality and extremely lovable with great pipes to boot (and she's looking more ooh-la-la than ever), but I'm guessing that she won't go as far as she deserves to. She has my support.
Sylvia Ratonel BOOMS! She's attractive and has star quality! She will no doubt go on to become a local celebrity, and we will see her acting in local shows and hosting local events. FHM will be knocking on her door pretty soon. I will buy that issue. She doesn't need Idol to become big in her own right.
Fathin Amira reminds me a little bit of both Rahimah Rahim and Olinda Cho- she has spunk and attitude, and really channels the emotion of the song. Her rendition of Hurt, while a little pitchy, was really emotive and strong! She will stick around for some time.
Bye Bye:
Syltra Lee is a great performer and she went home too early. I hope the exposure was good for her and that she'll continue to pursue success in her own way, because she's definitely a hard-working performer.
Tabitha Nauser has the vocal chops. She's cute and exudes a fun personality. It's sad and unfortunate, but we will lose her much earlier than she deserves. She will lose the "vote-for-the-hot-girl" votes to Sylvia, and the "fun personality" votes to Fathin and Malaque.
Mae Sta Maria is pretty and has some attitude, but she will not go much further because of her age and her race, unless she does something amazing next time round. She will be quite easily forgotten, and doesn't come across as particularly ambitious.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
learning in the most unusual places
One of the biggest scares perpetuated by my friends is that our ability to think will be worn down by the abysmal drudgery that National Service is supposedly going to be. While that argument does make sense to a certain degree and I have noticed some of my more intelligent friends coming down with bad cases of existentialist crises or the Stupids upon enlisting, I am pretty confident that this can be averted by being adaptable. (Enter old Chinese philosopher stroking his beard- "Be flexible like water, not stiff like board...")
***
While I'm currently rediscovering the intellectual joy that is to be found in books (having been misled by the bright and shiny lights of the interwebs), I must continue to acknowledge that some of the greatest things that I've learnt were all from experiences that might strike others as dull or monotonous. Let me share some of these lessons with you.
***
Like the average poker player does, I liked to think that I was above average. I was doing rather well on Facebook's Texas Hold'Em Application, and I watched videos of the pros on YouTube and knew quite a few of them by name. When some friends in the local music scene invited me to play poker with them at one of their homes, I jumped at the chance, thinking I'd make a quick buck. I was so, so wrong.
I was playing fairly well, I thought. I'd won a couple of hands, and stayed out of many bad ones. I was disciplined and cool-headed. The game took a massive turn for me when I was committed to the pot with a Full House, and my opponent went all-in with more than my entire chip stack. Normally, under any circumstances, I would have played that hand- but I was convinced that the other guy had 4-of-a-kind (a highly improbable hand, only beaten by a straight flush- the rarest of them all). He didn't. At that point in time, I was absolutely, thoroughly convinced- but he told me afterwards how he had read me like a book and led me, like a lamb, into doing exactly what he wanted me to do. It was a very powerful learning experience, and something I will never forget. Two hands after that, I would lose all my money going aggressively all in with a good hand against a better hand, and when I bought in again after that, I lost my entire second buy-in going all-in with a very good hand against an even better hand. I lost about $20-30 that day, and at the highest point I stood to win $60+. It isn't a lot of money, to be honest, but the realization of just how vulnerable I actually was beyond my comfort zone was priceless.
***
I used to work at Shangri-La Hotel as manual labour; I was one of the Banquet staff. There were loads and loads of part-timers, some much more regular than others. I could have (and should have) had an entire blog detailing the various experiences I had working there. There were so many lessons I had learnt. One thing that stands out for me was the friendship I had with a bartender. He was a short, fit Chinese guy- the sort of respectable old school 'Ah Beng', who reminded me of "Andrew" from "Growing Up". He had neat but somewhat long hair, and crude tattooes all over his hands, knuckles and neck... I imagine his whole body must have been covered with them. He was well mannered and honourable, and very, very likable. I would talk to him and eat lunch with him. He would never say much, but he clearly approved of my company and would wait for me when we had meals or smoke breaks. Once, this fat, slobbering and very annoying new part-timer barged in to join us at lunch without having been invited. He burped, laughed loudly and made a hell of a mess. Ah Beng snapped at him- "Study so far still behave like this!" The pig-boy snorted and said "ITE not very far what!", upon which Ah Beng revealed that he was a primary school dropout.
There came a time when me and Ah Beng and the rest of the fellas had been working together for some time and gotten used to each other, amidst the cyclic nature of the other part-timers. Once, me and Ah Beng were smoking when we managed to catch a breather between carrying tonnes of heavy stuff back and forth from the ballrooms to the storerooms. I was down to my last cigarette, and was smoking it right to the filter. Ah Beng slapped it out of my hand. "Don't smoke until that part lah, bad for you!". He then reached into his own pack and gave me two cigarettes and told me it was on him, and that I could repay the favour if he ever was in a pinch. That day, Ah Beng taught me more about generosity than any educated person I have ever met. To this day, I still have more respect for Ah Beng than many of my peers in Junior College and University. I still hope to bump into him some day so I can buy him a pack of cigarettes.
***
burning platform
Time is flying past really really fast and the fear is slowly starting to set in.
I got 58.5 for my GP, which is a C. I was stunned. I was expecting an A or B. I got 34 for my essay and 24.5 for my comprehension (which was characterized by a 1.5/8 for my summary). I was stunned, honestly. I left the paper feeling good about it. I secretly want to hold both the paper and the markers in contempt, but I will learn nothing from that. I am still confident of getting an A for GP at the A Levels. I must. It will shake the foundations of my identity if I do not. Then and again, that might go on to make me a better person, but I am not going to let my "in the big picture, in the long run, nothing is a big deal" nonsense deter me from doing what must be done.
I got a 63 for my Southeast Asian History, which is a B. I didn't do my International History paper so I'll get a 0 for that, but I'll be taking the paper tomorrow for practice's sake and I desperately want to score an A or B. I need that element of security, to know that I can confidently and easily score for at least one of the papers.
Physically, I've just been feeling so bloody lethargic. I still cough up phlegm from time to time, suggesting that my lungs haven't completely cleaned themselves out. My metabolism is definitely slowing down- I feel terribly cold everywhere I go, and I'm still eating far less than I should. Above all, I miss feeling physically powerful. The feeling like you can just do anything. That's it, I'm going to hit the gym today. I'm pretty sure it'll help me get my appetite up and lethargy down again.
If there's anything about me that's truly respectable, it's that you can never keep me down.
I got 58.5 for my GP, which is a C. I was stunned. I was expecting an A or B. I got 34 for my essay and 24.5 for my comprehension (which was characterized by a 1.5/8 for my summary). I was stunned, honestly. I left the paper feeling good about it. I secretly want to hold both the paper and the markers in contempt, but I will learn nothing from that. I am still confident of getting an A for GP at the A Levels. I must. It will shake the foundations of my identity if I do not. Then and again, that might go on to make me a better person, but I am not going to let my "in the big picture, in the long run, nothing is a big deal" nonsense deter me from doing what must be done.
I got a 63 for my Southeast Asian History, which is a B. I didn't do my International History paper so I'll get a 0 for that, but I'll be taking the paper tomorrow for practice's sake and I desperately want to score an A or B. I need that element of security, to know that I can confidently and easily score for at least one of the papers.
Physically, I've just been feeling so bloody lethargic. I still cough up phlegm from time to time, suggesting that my lungs haven't completely cleaned themselves out. My metabolism is definitely slowing down- I feel terribly cold everywhere I go, and I'm still eating far less than I should. Above all, I miss feeling physically powerful. The feeling like you can just do anything. That's it, I'm going to hit the gym today. I'm pretty sure it'll help me get my appetite up and lethargy down again.
If there's anything about me that's truly respectable, it's that you can never keep me down.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
Books To Read
Mythology/Epics/Legends:
The Mahabaratha
The Ramayana
Homer's Odessey
Homer's Illiad
The Bible
Oedipus
Ulysses
Epic of Gilgamesh
King Arthur & tKoTR
Romance Of The Three Kingdoms
Philosophy:
Phaedo, Plato
Organan, Aristotle
Summa Theologica, Thomas Aquinas
Meditations, Rene Decartes
An Essay Concerning Human Understanding, John Locke
Critique of Pure Reason, Immanuel Kant
Science of Logic, Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel
Being and Nothingness, Jean-Paul Sartre
Language, Truth, and Logic, A.J. Ayer
Philosophical Investigations, Ludwig Wittgenstein
Derek Parfit, Reasons and Persons
Frank Jackson, From Metaphysics to Ethics : A Defence of Conceptual Analysis
Saul Kripke, Naming and Necessity
Dave Chalmers, The Conscious Mind : In Search of a Fundamental Theory
David Lewis, On the Plurality of Worlds
Michael Smith, The Moral Problem
J.S. Mill's On Liberty
Dennett's Consciousness Explained
"The Birth Of Tragedy" by Nietzsche
The Essence of Christianity by Ludwig Feurbach
The God Delusion, Richard Dawkins
The Blind Watchmaker, Richard Dawkins
Biographies:
Mien Kampf (Hitler)
Third World to First (Lee Kuan Yew)
No Easy Walk To Freedom (Mandela)
Audacity of Hope (Obama)
Slash
Scar Tissue (Anthony Kiedis)
Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, an American Slave
Randy Pausch- The Last Lecture
Richard Branson - Losing My Virginity
The Secret Life of Houdini: The Making of America's First Superhero by Kalush and Sloman
"My Experiments with truth" - Gandhi
Kurt Vonnegut - Fate Worse Than Death
Clapton: The Autobiography by Eric Clapton
Motley Crue: The Dirt - Confessions of the World's Most Notorious Rock Band
- Fahrenheit 451
Sociology/Economics:
The Death and Life of Great American Cities - Jane Jacobs
The Economy of Cities - Jane Jacobs
Cities and the Wealth of Nations - Jane Jacobs
Systems of Survival - Jane Jacobs
The Nature of Economies - Jane Jacobs
Dark Age Ahead - Jane Jacobs
Tipping Point - Malcolm Gladwell
Blink - Malcolm Gladwell
Outliers - Malcolm Gladwell
"The Wisdom of Insecurity", by Alan W. Watts
Sway
Logic Of Life - Tim Harford
The Undercover Economist - Tim Harford
More Sex, Safer Sex
Freakonomics - Steven Levitt
Supercapitalism: The Transformation of Business, Democracy, and Everyday Life - Robert Reich
The End of Poverty: Economic Possibilities for Our Time - Jeffrey Sachs
Common Wealth: Economics for a Crowded Planet - Jeffrey Sachs
No Logo - Naomi Klein
The Shock Doctrine - Naomi Klein
Das Kapital
The Communist Manifesto
The Wealth of Nations by Adam Smith
History/Political Science:
Sun Tzu's The Art Of War
Team of Rivals
Men In White (PAP)
Lee Kuan Yew's Memoirs
The Malay Dilemma (Mahatir)
New Asian Hemisphere (Kishore Mahbubani)
Social Theory of International Politics by Alexander Wendt
Bowling Alone : The Collapse and Revival of American Community by Robert D. Putnam
The Clash of Civilizations and the Remaking of World Order by Samuel P. Huntington
The Post-American World - Fareed Zakaria
The Future Of Freedom - Fareed Zakaria
The End of History and the Last Man - Francis Fukuyama
Imagined Communities: Reflections on the Origin and Spread of Nationalism - Benedict Anderson
The World Is Flat - Thomas Friedman
Sciencey Stuff:
"Ideas & Opinions," by Albert Einstein
"A Brief History of Time," by Stephen Hawking
Darwin's The Origin of Species
The Selfish Gene - Dawkins
The Myth of Monogamy: Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People (2002), by David Barash and Judith Lipton.
The Science of Orgasm (2006), by Barry Komisauruk, Carlos Beyer-Flores, and Beverly Whipple
How to Survive a Robot Uprising (2005), by Daniel H. Wilson.
Evolution's Rainbow: Why Darwin Was Wrong About Sexual Selection (2004), by Joan Roughgarden.
Why Things Break (2003), by Mark Eberhart.
How the Universe Got Its Spots (2002), by Janna Levin.
A User's Guide to the Brain (2002), by John Ratey.
The Code Book: The Science of Secrecy from Ancient Egypt to Quantum Cryptography (2000), by Simon Singh
The Elegant Universe (2000), by Brian Greene
Guns, Germs, and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies (1999), by Jared Diamond
Six Easy Pieces: Essentials of Physics
Explained by its Most Brilliant Teacher (1995), by Richard P. Feynman
The Coming Plague: Newly Emerging Diseases in a World Out of Balance (1995), by Laurie Garrett.
Cosmos (1985), by Carl Sagan.
Godel, Escher, Bach (1979), by Douglas Hofstadter
Animal Liberation (1975), by Peter Singer.
Male and Female (1949), by Margaret Mead.
The Well: A Story of Love, Death, and Real Life in the Seminal Online Community (2001), by Katie Hafner.
Illegal Beings: Human Clones and the Law (2005), by Kerry MacIntosh.
Shakespeare:
Romeo & Juliet
The Merchant of Venice
Othello
Macbeth
Hamlet
King Lear
A Midsummer's Night Dream
Literature:
Crime & Punishment
Man In The Iron Mask
Hunchback of Notre Dame
The Count of Monte Cristo
Les Miserables
Phantom of the Opera
Anna Karenina
War & Peace
Great Expectations
Oliver Twist
Pride & Prejudice
The Pearl
For Whom The Bell Tolls
The Old Man & The Sea
Animal Farm
Sophie's World
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Tom Sawyer & Huckleberry Finn
Death of a Salesman
Lord Of The Flies
Frankenstein
Chekov's stories
Moby Dick
The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery
The Andromeda Strain by Michael Crichton
The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
East of Eden by John Steinbeck
The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
Dracula by Bram Stoker
Lolita
The Great Gatsby
Catch-22
Crime & Punishment
To Kill A Mockingbird
Middlemarch
The Catcher in the Rye
Alice in Wonderland
Dr. Jekyl & Mr. Hyde
Gulliver's Travels
The Stand (Stephen King)
The Postman Always Rings Twice
Madame Bovary
Anatomy of Melancholy
The Satanic Verses
Charlotte's Web
Wrinkle In Time
Friedrich
The Handmaid's Tale
The Time-Traveller's Wife
Sum of All Fears
Foundation by Isaac Asimov
Gone With The Wind
Religion & The Rise of Capitalism
The Chocolate War
Beyond The Chocolate War
Fight Club
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
His Dark Materials Trilogy
The Lord Of The Rings
The Earthsea Series by Ursula Le Guin
The Time Machine by HG Wells
The War of the Worlds by HG Wells
The Chrisalids
- Brave New World
- 1984
- Utopia, by Thomas Moore
Of Mice And Men
The Prince (Machiavelli)
The Discourse
Dracula
"Slaughterhouse Five," by Kurt Vonnegut
Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut
Atlas Shrugged
A Clockwork Orange
The Last Of The Mohicans
The Call Of The Wild
Flatland
Uncle Tom's Cabin
Don Quixote
Jane Eyre
Comics/Graphic Novels:
V for Vendetta
The Watchmen
Neil Gaiman's Sandman
Saturday, September 19, 2009
why do this?
Studying! Finally! :) I'm going to do economics today.
It is so hard for me to study the mundane things that I have to apply in school when there is so much MORE applicable and powerful knowledge to be learnt, and concepts with so much more weight to think about. I really do appreciate all that I've learnt about demand, supply, elasticity concepts, market failure, government intervention and especially free trade (I think that everybody should be taught to understand how free trade works), but I really don't see why I have to learn and memorize all the nitty-gritty details that everybody's going to forget a month after the examinations. We've learnt what is important, and we can always re-learn the details at any time if we ever actually need to apply the concepts ourselves.
My mind is screaming with a hunger to devour books and more books about concepts and thoughts about philosophy, culture, political science. I'd like to learn some of the finer points of physics and biology that I am unclear about. When I was a kid I was obsessed with geography, about volcanoes and earthquakes and stuff like that. Now I'm fascinated by ideas of cultural psyche, tipping points, personality types, psychology, philosophy and with generally understanding how and why things are the way they are and people act the way they do under various circumstances- at a larger, deeper and more holistic level than the assumption-riddled concepts of simple economics as defined by the A level syllabus. I enjoy Literature substantially and wish I had taken it at a H2 level. While I don't see the direct relevance of A level Mathematics to my life at the moment, I do accept that I have to prove to the world that I am capable of vanquishing it before I am allowed to disregard it.
That really pretty much sums up my attitude towards my A Levels altogether. It's turning out to be nothing more than means to an end. I must continue the fight in spite of the shoddy reasoning. What can I do? It's really a small price to pay for all that I have stood to benefit from in the past and stand to benefit from in the future.
It is so hard for me to study the mundane things that I have to apply in school when there is so much MORE applicable and powerful knowledge to be learnt, and concepts with so much more weight to think about. I really do appreciate all that I've learnt about demand, supply, elasticity concepts, market failure, government intervention and especially free trade (I think that everybody should be taught to understand how free trade works), but I really don't see why I have to learn and memorize all the nitty-gritty details that everybody's going to forget a month after the examinations. We've learnt what is important, and we can always re-learn the details at any time if we ever actually need to apply the concepts ourselves.
My mind is screaming with a hunger to devour books and more books about concepts and thoughts about philosophy, culture, political science. I'd like to learn some of the finer points of physics and biology that I am unclear about. When I was a kid I was obsessed with geography, about volcanoes and earthquakes and stuff like that. Now I'm fascinated by ideas of cultural psyche, tipping points, personality types, psychology, philosophy and with generally understanding how and why things are the way they are and people act the way they do under various circumstances- at a larger, deeper and more holistic level than the assumption-riddled concepts of simple economics as defined by the A level syllabus. I enjoy Literature substantially and wish I had taken it at a H2 level. While I don't see the direct relevance of A level Mathematics to my life at the moment, I do accept that I have to prove to the world that I am capable of vanquishing it before I am allowed to disregard it.
That really pretty much sums up my attitude towards my A Levels altogether. It's turning out to be nothing more than means to an end. I must continue the fight in spite of the shoddy reasoning. What can I do? It's really a small price to pay for all that I have stood to benefit from in the past and stand to benefit from in the future.
a taste of Straits Times editing
I had submitted my post (http://alevelsin80days.blogspot.com/2009/09/misleading-statistics-in-parliament.html) to the Straits Times Forum, and to my pleasant surprise they actually called me up to confirm that I had sent it, and put it in print the next day (Saturday, 19th September).
While I am honoured and thankful that they actually were willing to publish it, I am a little bit disappointed with how they chose to edit it. They rephrased and summarized it effectively, but they also toned down my point that the statistics were misleading.
What does this tell us? I must respect the local press for doing their job to maximise the dissemination of information while minimising judgement and opinion. I feel that this speaks volumes about our national culture. It's clearly not yet in our national interest to encourage open criticism of our government. I wonder what would be the reasoning for this? Perhaps our country is not mature enough or ready for such intellectual discourse; I could relate to such a perspective. It would likely degenerate into name-calling and what-have-you. This describes the unique 'chicken or egg' scenario that we're in, where Singaporeans are generally not ready to be critical thinkers, so we're denied anything which would require us to think critically.
I wonder what they would have said if I had written such a criticism about something which an Opposition leader had said?
Regardless, it is clearer than ever now, to me, that we cannot rely on our government or our press to make our country a better place to live in. It's really up to each and every one of us to make the effort to collectively influence the psyche and be the change that we want to see.
While I am honoured and thankful that they actually were willing to publish it, I am a little bit disappointed with how they chose to edit it. They rephrased and summarized it effectively, but they also toned down my point that the statistics were misleading.
What does this tell us? I must respect the local press for doing their job to maximise the dissemination of information while minimising judgement and opinion. I feel that this speaks volumes about our national culture. It's clearly not yet in our national interest to encourage open criticism of our government. I wonder what would be the reasoning for this? Perhaps our country is not mature enough or ready for such intellectual discourse; I could relate to such a perspective. It would likely degenerate into name-calling and what-have-you. This describes the unique 'chicken or egg' scenario that we're in, where Singaporeans are generally not ready to be critical thinkers, so we're denied anything which would require us to think critically.
I wonder what they would have said if I had written such a criticism about something which an Opposition leader had said?
Regardless, it is clearer than ever now, to me, that we cannot rely on our government or our press to make our country a better place to live in. It's really up to each and every one of us to make the effort to collectively influence the psyche and be the change that we want to see.
Friday, September 18, 2009
lol
I realise that there is a possibility that some of my teachers from TPJC might be reading this! Hi guys! I am studying very hard now, okay! :D
52: bruised
It all began when I bruised my rib when falling square on my back while crowdsurfing at Anberlin's Baybeats set. I hadn't been eating or sleeping for some time before that, so my immune system was weakened substantially. The bruised rib led to a lung infection and moderate pneumonia, which struck right in the middle of my A Level Prelims. I missed my Economics Case Study paper, which demoralized me because I was going to get a zero for something which I considered to be one of my strong points.
When recovering, I ran after a bus at some point and tripped over a rope I hadn't seen. I badly lacerated my chin and sprained my knee, and in the midst of the fiasco I lost the part of my handphone which connects to my headphones, cutting me off from the music that often kept in high spirits.
Having lost sense of time because I practically bedridden, I didn't realise the date of my History Paper 2 was nearing until the morning of the paper. While it is arguably my strongest subject, I wasn't able to prepare for it as much as I would have liked, and didn't write as well as I had hoped. This would get much worse when I missed my History Paper 1 entirely out of sheer negligence.
My mathematics skills are terribly infantile and undeveloped for this stage, not because I lack the ability but because I have been avoiding the topic since Secondary 2. I sat through 3 agonizing hours of twiddling my thumbs during my Mathematics Paper 1 and resolved to catch up on 5-6 years of inactivity in 50 days to prepare for my A levels. I skipped my Paper 2 simply because I didn't want to sit through it after messing up my Prelims so badly.
I got penalized during my Literature paper (which I underperformed in because of poor time management skills- a problem which also plagued my Economics Paper 2) for having a goatee. I hadn't shaved because I was afraid I'd open up the lacerations on my chin, which bled continuously for about 3 days after the initial fall. I didn't contest this, perhaps because I was simply too tired to care anymore. I had also forgotten to write my question number for my GP paper 1, which will cost me 2-5 marks and possibly the A which I am expecting.
It should be clear by now that I am physically weakened, mentally and emotionally quite drained. I have made inexcusable mistakes that are both juvenile and amateur. I am going to recieve horrible grades for my Prelims, having lost out on major components of every single one of my H2 subjects. I'm anticipating a UUUBC, with B for GP and C for Literature. That's so sad, it's actually quite funny.
I have decided that I am done grieving and feeling sorry for myself, and I am going to fight now, to the bittersweet end.
When recovering, I ran after a bus at some point and tripped over a rope I hadn't seen. I badly lacerated my chin and sprained my knee, and in the midst of the fiasco I lost the part of my handphone which connects to my headphones, cutting me off from the music that often kept in high spirits.
Having lost sense of time because I practically bedridden, I didn't realise the date of my History Paper 2 was nearing until the morning of the paper. While it is arguably my strongest subject, I wasn't able to prepare for it as much as I would have liked, and didn't write as well as I had hoped. This would get much worse when I missed my History Paper 1 entirely out of sheer negligence.
My mathematics skills are terribly infantile and undeveloped for this stage, not because I lack the ability but because I have been avoiding the topic since Secondary 2. I sat through 3 agonizing hours of twiddling my thumbs during my Mathematics Paper 1 and resolved to catch up on 5-6 years of inactivity in 50 days to prepare for my A levels. I skipped my Paper 2 simply because I didn't want to sit through it after messing up my Prelims so badly.
I got penalized during my Literature paper (which I underperformed in because of poor time management skills- a problem which also plagued my Economics Paper 2) for having a goatee. I hadn't shaved because I was afraid I'd open up the lacerations on my chin, which bled continuously for about 3 days after the initial fall. I didn't contest this, perhaps because I was simply too tired to care anymore. I had also forgotten to write my question number for my GP paper 1, which will cost me 2-5 marks and possibly the A which I am expecting.
It should be clear by now that I am physically weakened, mentally and emotionally quite drained. I have made inexcusable mistakes that are both juvenile and amateur. I am going to recieve horrible grades for my Prelims, having lost out on major components of every single one of my H2 subjects. I'm anticipating a UUUBC, with B for GP and C for Literature. That's so sad, it's actually quite funny.
I have decided that I am done grieving and feeling sorry for myself, and I am going to fight now, to the bittersweet end.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
56 days left: double-trouble
Nice to see that the statistics entry got some real responses. Remember people, always keep your eyes open and always question what you are told.
I was up until 3-4am yesterday and the lack of sleep definitely took a toll on me. I was sleepy on the way to school and sleepy in school itself, and definitely was not able to focus on my Economics Paper 2 as much as I should have been able to. I also did not revise for it. I'm happy to say that I can still answer the questions. I found my 2007 JC1 promotional paper the other day and I had scrawled crazy things all over the question paper. I was completely stupefied then, and I can sort of remember that feeling a little bit. I dare say that I will pass this time, but of course it's nowhere near the standard that I expect of myself. As a result, I couldn't help feeling like I was making a mockery of the whole prelim process- because to me, this is about me pushing my own limits, and in that respect I am barely trying, let alone failing. Failing isn't so bad.
Literature was okay. My brain and my hand were both working slower than they normally would, probably as a result of the general fatigue that still hasn't quite lifted. As a result, I suffered from time management problems (which, on retrospect, also affected my economics paper). I had to do 3 essays, I started with Great Expectations (which is my weakest), then moved on to Othello, then to unseen poetry, which is usually my strongest. The unseen poems were ridiculously ambiguous, and I was floored. I'm pretty sure that everyone else was as well. I googled them and they're still pretty bland and ambiguous. I think I just had gotten into a panicky state of mind by then (because I had exceeded the time that I game myself).
Examinations require mental discipline, but they never really teach you how to acquire it in school. They just sort of expect you to get it yourself. I think most people assume that if you've gotten this far, you must already have it. But some of us never had any, and never learned how...
I was up until 3-4am yesterday and the lack of sleep definitely took a toll on me. I was sleepy on the way to school and sleepy in school itself, and definitely was not able to focus on my Economics Paper 2 as much as I should have been able to. I also did not revise for it. I'm happy to say that I can still answer the questions. I found my 2007 JC1 promotional paper the other day and I had scrawled crazy things all over the question paper. I was completely stupefied then, and I can sort of remember that feeling a little bit. I dare say that I will pass this time, but of course it's nowhere near the standard that I expect of myself. As a result, I couldn't help feeling like I was making a mockery of the whole prelim process- because to me, this is about me pushing my own limits, and in that respect I am barely trying, let alone failing. Failing isn't so bad.
Literature was okay. My brain and my hand were both working slower than they normally would, probably as a result of the general fatigue that still hasn't quite lifted. As a result, I suffered from time management problems (which, on retrospect, also affected my economics paper). I had to do 3 essays, I started with Great Expectations (which is my weakest), then moved on to Othello, then to unseen poetry, which is usually my strongest. The unseen poems were ridiculously ambiguous, and I was floored. I'm pretty sure that everyone else was as well. I googled them and they're still pretty bland and ambiguous. I think I just had gotten into a panicky state of mind by then (because I had exceeded the time that I game myself).
Examinations require mental discipline, but they never really teach you how to acquire it in school. They just sort of expect you to get it yourself. I think most people assume that if you've gotten this far, you must already have it. But some of us never had any, and never learned how...
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Misleading Statistics in Parliament
I refer to Tuesday's Parliament Shorts on September 15th in the Straits Times Home Section, page B7 (Most top-scoring students live in HDB flats) and I must say that it is rather misleading- at first glance, one might be inclined to think that students who live in HDB flats are outperforming those who live in private housing. However, after taking a closer look at the statistics, it is clear that this is not the case.
The statistics given in the short are as follows:
About 82% of Singaporeans live in public housing.
More than 60% of top 10% scorers in the PSLE live in HDB flats.
More than 50% of Secondary 1 students enrolled in Intergrated Programme (IP) schools live in HDB flats.
Let's turn the charts upside down and look at it more critically. While only 18% of Singaporeans live in private housing, they account for almost 40% of top 10% PSLE scores and more than 40% of IP school enrollment. Let's not deny the obvious, which is that Singaporeans who can afford to live in private housing do end up in better schools. I would not be too hasty in attempting to explain this phenomenon. Perhaps they are brought up with a stronger thirst for success than the average Singaporean living in a HDB flat, or perhaps they can afford costly private tuition. It is most likely due to a mix of a wide range of reasons. Regardless, the numbers cannot and do not lie- being able to afford private housing gives students a statistical edge over the average Singaporean HDB dweller.
-Visakan Veerasamy
The statistics given in the short are as follows:
About 82% of Singaporeans live in public housing.
More than 60% of top 10% scorers in the PSLE live in HDB flats.
More than 50% of Secondary 1 students enrolled in Intergrated Programme (IP) schools live in HDB flats.
Let's turn the charts upside down and look at it more critically. While only 18% of Singaporeans live in private housing, they account for almost 40% of top 10% PSLE scores and more than 40% of IP school enrollment. Let's not deny the obvious, which is that Singaporeans who can afford to live in private housing do end up in better schools. I would not be too hasty in attempting to explain this phenomenon. Perhaps they are brought up with a stronger thirst for success than the average Singaporean living in a HDB flat, or perhaps they can afford costly private tuition. It is most likely due to a mix of a wide range of reasons. Regardless, the numbers cannot and do not lie- being able to afford private housing gives students a statistical edge over the average Singaporean HDB dweller.
-Visakan Veerasamy
Monday, September 14, 2009
10 things I plan to do after my A Levels (part 1)
10: Buff up
I've been a skinny beanpole pretty much my entire life; with the exception maybe of a couple of years in primary school where I was a skinny beanpole with a potbelly thanks to a daily filet-o-fish fixation. My legs especially have always been obscenely skinny, more than convention would deem to be socially acceptable. As a public service, I intend to beef up my chicken-legs and general chopstick body. I hope to put on 5-10kg after my A's, and I plan to be very rigorous and steadfast in my bulking diet.
9: Catch up with old friends
Hasn't life gotten pretty crazy these past few years? So many new faces, new stories, sagas, dilemmas, the drama and the sagas. When the dust clears and the world stops spinning, it's always great to have familiar faces to return to and trustworthy shoulders to lean on. Sometimes we get so swept up that we end up unintentionally distancing ourselves from the people who are the points of stability in our lives, and I think it's important that we always know the road home. After all, no matter how much you've feel like you've traveled, you haven't gone anywhere if you don't have a frame of reference (*winks at the theoretical physicists*).
8: Get physically 'in-tune'
This is not the same as putting on weight. A while ago I wrote an entry about how I believe that improving your linguistic abilities would actually allows you to express thoughts and emotions you may not have been otherwise able to properly experience or understand. This is parallel to that, akin to a sort of physical manifestation of the same idea. Fitness junkies know something that the average person don't, and that is being in tune with your own body is one of the most awesome experiences of being alive. I've gotten close to those moments before, of being well and truly in control of your body. I want to learn to dance, I want to cycle, play basketball, maybe even football (which I'm notoriously bad at). To break out into a warm sweat, to feel your muscles and joints warmed up, your heart pumping, the sweetness as oxygen fills your lungs.
7: Draw
I've always had a secret fascination and obsession with drawing; particularly pencil and ink mediums. Since I was a kid I used to obsess about trying to draw manga characters (and failed miserably at it). At first it was probably just a bit of a temporary anime fixation. I want to be able to draw what I see in front of me, like friends or locations. More than that, I want to be able to draw things that I visualise or imagine, and visually recreate the images I see in my head. I want to be able to doodle ideas easily and have coherent structure.
To Be Continued!
I've been a skinny beanpole pretty much my entire life; with the exception maybe of a couple of years in primary school where I was a skinny beanpole with a potbelly thanks to a daily filet-o-fish fixation. My legs especially have always been obscenely skinny, more than convention would deem to be socially acceptable. As a public service, I intend to beef up my chicken-legs and general chopstick body. I hope to put on 5-10kg after my A's, and I plan to be very rigorous and steadfast in my bulking diet.
9: Catch up with old friends
Hasn't life gotten pretty crazy these past few years? So many new faces, new stories, sagas, dilemmas, the drama and the sagas. When the dust clears and the world stops spinning, it's always great to have familiar faces to return to and trustworthy shoulders to lean on. Sometimes we get so swept up that we end up unintentionally distancing ourselves from the people who are the points of stability in our lives, and I think it's important that we always know the road home. After all, no matter how much you've feel like you've traveled, you haven't gone anywhere if you don't have a frame of reference (*winks at the theoretical physicists*).
8: Get physically 'in-tune'
This is not the same as putting on weight. A while ago I wrote an entry about how I believe that improving your linguistic abilities would actually allows you to express thoughts and emotions you may not have been otherwise able to properly experience or understand. This is parallel to that, akin to a sort of physical manifestation of the same idea. Fitness junkies know something that the average person don't, and that is being in tune with your own body is one of the most awesome experiences of being alive. I've gotten close to those moments before, of being well and truly in control of your body. I want to learn to dance, I want to cycle, play basketball, maybe even football (which I'm notoriously bad at). To break out into a warm sweat, to feel your muscles and joints warmed up, your heart pumping, the sweetness as oxygen fills your lungs.
7: Draw
I've always had a secret fascination and obsession with drawing; particularly pencil and ink mediums. Since I was a kid I used to obsess about trying to draw manga characters (and failed miserably at it). At first it was probably just a bit of a temporary anime fixation. I want to be able to draw what I see in front of me, like friends or locations. More than that, I want to be able to draw things that I visualise or imagine, and visually recreate the images I see in my head. I want to be able to doodle ideas easily and have coherent structure.
To Be Continued!
57 days left: mathematics massacre
Today was my Mathematics Paper 1 for my Prelims, and it was exactly as I had expected to be- me, 11 questions that I completely didn't know how to do, 3 of the longest hours of my life. There are few places lonelier than a crowded exam hall full of people writing when you're absolutely clueless.
The funny thing is I can still remember how it used to feel on the opposite end of the spectrum, when I was in Primary School and acing everything. I miss that feeling.
Anyway, off to study Econs and Lit for my papers tomorrow. Two papers in one day. Meh. Some productivity should ease the doldrums. I'm off to study at Siglap Starbucks, say hi if you see me!
The funny thing is I can still remember how it used to feel on the opposite end of the spectrum, when I was in Primary School and acing everything. I miss that feeling.
Anyway, off to study Econs and Lit for my papers tomorrow. Two papers in one day. Meh. Some productivity should ease the doldrums. I'm off to study at Siglap Starbucks, say hi if you see me!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
58 days left.
Today was a completely unproductive day, and I think I can blame it on a few things, ranging from yesterday to tomorrow.
Yesterday I woke up pretty I went to play an acoustic set at a flea market at Crawlspace, which is a little tiny gig venue behind Straits Records at Arab Street/Haji Lane. (For those of you who don't know, I play in indie/pop-rock band Armchair Critic.) Our drummer Boon was stuck in camp and we hadn't rehearsed in months anyway, so me and my guitarist RG went down to improvise a few acoustic songs. When we reached the venue, we found that it was a small, cramped venue with heavy screamo and hardcore bands playing. It was all too familiar for us, and it felt like old times.
It's pretty cool that our name is still recognizable on posters. We're no Electrico or Great Spy Experiment, but it's still pretty pleasant. :)
I then went to meet my girlfriend, who had broken her sandal and was understandably in a bit of a bad mood. The weather was ridiculously, mind-meltingly hot, which got me in a rather irritable mood as well. Still, it was good to see each other, and I followed her around as she went around Tampines looking for shoes. I try my best to understand how women's minds work when it comes to shoes, and while I think I might have made some progress, there are certain contradictions within their rules that my poor male mind cannot logically dissect.
We then went to meet more friends for dinner, after which the girlfriend went home and the rest of us spent hours indulging in a game of Risk. I was initially an enthusiast of Risk, but not any more. It takes up far too much time and effort, is only moderately entertaining, doesn't provide much intellectual stimulation and is ultimately far too dependent on the roll of the dice. Give me poker, chess or even chinese checkers for some intelligent fun any day. I went home late, exhausted and generally burnt out.
*
Today was a completely unproductive day. In terms of studying, technically yesterday was too, but today was one of those absolutely wasted forgotten days that you just draw a big X across. Which is bad, because I'm really running out of days now. I woke up moderately early but lingered in bed until past noon, after which I attempted to touch my books but simply couldn't, and spent the day on Facebook and YouTube and what-have-you. The reason, I feel, is because of my ridiculous position- tomorrow is my Maths Paper 1, and I am completely unprepared.
Let me tell you honestly that when I tell you that I am unprepared, I am honest. I do not know how integration works, I never even bothered to learn them in secondary school and preferred to spend maths lessons napping. (I got an A1 for E-Maths and a C5 for A-Maths, for those of you who are curious). I don't know how vectors work; I vaguely remember a simplified version of them in secondary school but that's it. I am going to be spending 3 hours in an examination hall full of students, and I am going to be twiddling my thumbs, doodling, napping and doing some serious soul-searching if I can get into the vibe. I am seriously that unprepared for maths, and it the ridiculousness of it all hits me so strongly that I can't even spend today studying International History, Economics or Literature, which are my other papers. (Incidentally, I still do not even own a copy of Great Expectations, which is my Literature text.)
I'm not trying to "boast" or "show off" my miserable position. I'm really quite disgusted with myself, and I have to come to terms with the fact that the disgust is so strong that I've developed a sort of indifference to myself. This is an interesting concept that I've never actually considered before. If you hate somebody, you obviously still give a damn about them for some reason such that you bother to take the trouble to think about them and put together a coordinated response. The worst thing you can do to someone is not to hate them, but to be completely indifferent to them, because that's when things are so bad you feel like it's not even worth your trouble anymore.
I need to prove to myself that I am worth the effort, because if I give up on myself then all is lost.
That said, life is still good. Things cannot stay down for so long! I am an optimist at heart. I realise that there are some interesting philosophical implications of my present situation, but I really don't have the time or energy to be concerned about them right at this moment. Normally I would not forgive myself for that, but right now I have more pressing concerns.
Routine, Visa. Routine, routine, routine. Get into one.
Yesterday I woke up pretty I went to play an acoustic set at a flea market at Crawlspace, which is a little tiny gig venue behind Straits Records at Arab Street/Haji Lane. (For those of you who don't know, I play in indie/pop-rock band Armchair Critic.) Our drummer Boon was stuck in camp and we hadn't rehearsed in months anyway, so me and my guitarist RG went down to improvise a few acoustic songs. When we reached the venue, we found that it was a small, cramped venue with heavy screamo and hardcore bands playing. It was all too familiar for us, and it felt like old times.
It's pretty cool that our name is still recognizable on posters. We're no Electrico or Great Spy Experiment, but it's still pretty pleasant. :)
I then went to meet my girlfriend, who had broken her sandal and was understandably in a bit of a bad mood. The weather was ridiculously, mind-meltingly hot, which got me in a rather irritable mood as well. Still, it was good to see each other, and I followed her around as she went around Tampines looking for shoes. I try my best to understand how women's minds work when it comes to shoes, and while I think I might have made some progress, there are certain contradictions within their rules that my poor male mind cannot logically dissect.
We then went to meet more friends for dinner, after which the girlfriend went home and the rest of us spent hours indulging in a game of Risk. I was initially an enthusiast of Risk, but not any more. It takes up far too much time and effort, is only moderately entertaining, doesn't provide much intellectual stimulation and is ultimately far too dependent on the roll of the dice. Give me poker, chess or even chinese checkers for some intelligent fun any day. I went home late, exhausted and generally burnt out.
*
Today was a completely unproductive day. In terms of studying, technically yesterday was too, but today was one of those absolutely wasted forgotten days that you just draw a big X across. Which is bad, because I'm really running out of days now. I woke up moderately early but lingered in bed until past noon, after which I attempted to touch my books but simply couldn't, and spent the day on Facebook and YouTube and what-have-you. The reason, I feel, is because of my ridiculous position- tomorrow is my Maths Paper 1, and I am completely unprepared.
Let me tell you honestly that when I tell you that I am unprepared, I am honest. I do not know how integration works, I never even bothered to learn them in secondary school and preferred to spend maths lessons napping. (I got an A1 for E-Maths and a C5 for A-Maths, for those of you who are curious). I don't know how vectors work; I vaguely remember a simplified version of them in secondary school but that's it. I am going to be spending 3 hours in an examination hall full of students, and I am going to be twiddling my thumbs, doodling, napping and doing some serious soul-searching if I can get into the vibe. I am seriously that unprepared for maths, and it the ridiculousness of it all hits me so strongly that I can't even spend today studying International History, Economics or Literature, which are my other papers. (Incidentally, I still do not even own a copy of Great Expectations, which is my Literature text.)
I'm not trying to "boast" or "show off" my miserable position. I'm really quite disgusted with myself, and I have to come to terms with the fact that the disgust is so strong that I've developed a sort of indifference to myself. This is an interesting concept that I've never actually considered before. If you hate somebody, you obviously still give a damn about them for some reason such that you bother to take the trouble to think about them and put together a coordinated response. The worst thing you can do to someone is not to hate them, but to be completely indifferent to them, because that's when things are so bad you feel like it's not even worth your trouble anymore.
I need to prove to myself that I am worth the effort, because if I give up on myself then all is lost.
That said, life is still good. Things cannot stay down for so long! I am an optimist at heart. I realise that there are some interesting philosophical implications of my present situation, but I really don't have the time or energy to be concerned about them right at this moment. Normally I would not forgive myself for that, but right now I have more pressing concerns.
Routine, Visa. Routine, routine, routine. Get into one.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
59 days left.
I like how so many of you guys visiting every day are not from Singapore! I guess the struggle is universal, huh. I'll try to keep that in mind and consciously explain terms that you guys might not be as familiar with. See, I'm nice! The least you can do is to say something on the tag-board :D
The weather today is miserably hot. I woke up early this morning and went to the gym, where I broke into a nice healthy sweat for the first time in nearly two weeks (I was sick, obviously. Don't judge me!)
Yesterday was my History Paper 2 for my Prelims, which is supposed to be a dry-run for the actual A levels themselves. It consists of a source-based essay and 3 normal essays to be chosen from 5 questions. I wasn't nearly as prepared as I could or should have been, but I was still fairly comfortable because it's probably my best subject right now. Continue when I get home, going out for a gig~
The weather today is miserably hot. I woke up early this morning and went to the gym, where I broke into a nice healthy sweat for the first time in nearly two weeks (I was sick, obviously. Don't judge me!)
Yesterday was my History Paper 2 for my Prelims, which is supposed to be a dry-run for the actual A levels themselves. It consists of a source-based essay and 3 normal essays to be chosen from 5 questions. I wasn't nearly as prepared as I could or should have been, but I was still fairly comfortable because it's probably my best subject right now. Continue when I get home, going out for a gig~
Friday, September 11, 2009
60 days left
uh i was studying econs today and i just realised that i have a history paper 2 tomorrow
lololol
i are dum dum
lololol
i are dum dum
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
62 (?!) days left:
I have not been studying at all. I have been injured, sick, injured again, exhausted both mentally and physically. I feel an immense pressure and a nagging feeling at the back of my neck. I'm going to go do some economics revision now. I promise to share more once I have done enough work to warrant the diversion.
Cheers and thanks for sticking around (all you ninja lurkers, you!)
Cheers and thanks for sticking around (all you ninja lurkers, you!)
Saturday, September 5, 2009
67 days left: STILL SICK.
Even worse today. Stuck in bed all day and night. Can't breathe, can't think. Head aches. Eyes burn. Hate it. Feel like one of those druggies shivering in the corner.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
68 days left: SICK.
Very very sick. 38.9 degree fever. Had to miss my Economics Paper 1 (case study), which I was actually looking forward to. I'm going to get a zero for it even though I have an MC, because that's just the way things work around here.
Sigh.
Sigh.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
69 days left.
GP was okay. I forgot to write in my question number for my essay; which will have me lose 2-5 marks. 13 years in this education system and I still make silly mistakes like that. I think I wrote a good essay and did a decent comprehension. I wrote my essay on "Who has more power; the politician or the scientist?" I thought most of the questions were crap anyway.
Economics case study tomorrow. Not feeling well enough to study for it. Goodnight.
Economics case study tomorrow. Not feeling well enough to study for it. Goodnight.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
71 days left.
Tired out for no reason. Slept all day. Had some fruitful history revision on religious fundamentalism.
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