bye

bye\

I'm looking to sell my graphing calculator at like $60? anybody wanna buy? email me visakanv at gmail dot com

this blog has served its purpose

I am now moving back to my main blog, visakanv.com

CLICK HERE!

and now I'm sick

that was unbelievably predictable. >_> so silly of me.

LAST PAPER

WHEEEEE OFF I GO

congratulations, mate

Tomorrow will be the last day of my A Level examinations. The last day I will be wearing a school uniform. The end of an entire stage of my life which has spanned 13 years so far. Most people would be in a celebratory mood, and I have been anticipating for the longest time that I would be, too. Strangely though, I'm not.

I suppose the main reason is because I don't feel like I've earned the right to celebrate. I hadn't put in the hours that I promised myself I would. I hadn't done my tutorials or paid attention in lectures.

So here's what I'm going to try to do instead- I'm going to take my post-exam time period more seriously than anything else. I'm going to hit the gym, play the guitar, sing, read, write, draw and think like I've never thought before.

I've pretty much been celebrating all my life, anyway. :P

the economics of ignorance

I was on the typology central forums today and I found an interesting question: Why do people love assumptions?

First of all, I humbly suggest that the main reason why anybody makes any sort of assumption in any sort of scenario is to save time and effort. (This statement in itself is based on an assumption, because I have neither the time nor the energy to bother doing extensive research on the matter at this point in time. Hur hur, I'm so witty, hur hur.) Sometimes this is done because there isn't much of a choice, such as in a medical emergency or most other crisis situations. Sometimes, as any overworked and under-appreciated parent will tell you, this is done to divert time and energy elsewhere, such as in the pursuit of a decent social life. Often this is done simply to avoid expending time and energy to begin with.

The more interesting concern though, is why do so many people people make such ignorant assumptions? Many economists have established how and why pollution, traffic congestion and global warming are so rampant- and I'd like to apply the same principles to ignorance. To put it in simple economic terms, ignorant assumptions cost society more than they cost the individuals. They can be described as negative externalities, which are caused by a divergence between personal cost and social cost wherein the affected 3rd parties are not compensated. Let me explain:

The average ignorant individual considers the personal benefit of his ignorance (the self-perception of intelligence or superiority) to exceed his personal cost, and hence indulges in lots of ignorant behavior as he considers it personally profitable to do so. In contrast, ignorant assumptions have a net social cost- all of us collectively are worse off because of them. However, as ignorance is not significantly taxed or penalized, humanity collectively indulges in far more ignorance than what is socially optimal. Believe it or not, being a stupid twat can actually considered to be rational behavior.

Moving back to assumptions in general. Whatever the reasoning behind it, it is certain that we will have to make assumptions just to allow us to get on with our lives- we can't spend everyday worrying whether our assumption that the laws of the universe will still hold through tomorrow. (Unless you're a theoretical physicist or something, in which case you could perhaps make a living out of it.)

the inadequacy of critical thinking

It bothers me when critical thinking is portrayed as the Holy Grail of thought and intellectual firepower- as if we could solve all our problems just by carefully evaluating everything we have in front of us. We've reached a stage where it's become more important, intellectual and safe to point out what seems wrong than at suggesting what might be better. Is it really any surprise that healthcare reform in the US is taking so long, even with the best and the brightest minds working at it? Critical thinking is incredibly important, but clearly it isn't enough.

Critical thinking is often regarded by established institutions as the highest form of thinking- our Government and civil service are no exceptions. Lee Kuan Yew is, after all, a great and profound critical thinker who has received immense acclaim for his accomplishments. Such a system of thought is brilliant protection against wild, crazy ideas that might threaten and disturb society with deviant ideas, isn't it? (No, I am not being sarcastic.) It was critical pragmatism that got our country where she is today, but it's the same thing that's making it smell a little bit too antiseptic and feel a little too uncomfortable, like a new sofa with the plastic covers left on.

It's easy to see the "safe" aspect of critical thinking. You can't go wrong when you dwell on the mistakes and problems of your opponent (unless your name is Chee Soon Juan- in which case you're pretty much screwed, because your criticism itself is subject to criticism- can you spell defamation lawsuit?) This is common in politics everywhere, including The Land Of The Free. Everything the other party proposes is nonsense, and vice versa. You always sound more "right" when you point out mistakes than when you actually suggest a solution that everybody knows can't possibly be perfect the first time round. This creates an atmosphere that isn't particularly credible, and actually ruins the political process by giving voters incentives to be justifiably indifferent and apathetic. (Tim Harford describes this phenomenon brilliantly in The Logic Of Life.)

If 95% of an idea is valid but 5% is more doubtful, it's easier and more impressive to focus on the failings of that five percent. If we did so to improve ideas by trying to improve and strengthen the weak links then then that would be laudable- but that's not what we do. We focus on the five percent to suggest, quite absurdly, that if this 5% is weak, the whole idea is worthless.

One of the main problems of critical thinking is it's attraction for those who, for some reason or another, choose not to be constructive or creative. If someone designs a simple chair, then that chair can be criticized as stark and boring. The chair may be compared to a prison chair or a hospital chair. It may be condemned as without style or character. If the person had designed a more elaborate chair, then that chair could be criticized as vulgar and fussy. All the critic needs to do is to choose a position different from that which is offered and then to attack what is offered as different from the critic's chosen position- hardly great thinking.

This is even worse if the critic doesn't understand what he or she is actually criticizing. It is quite easy to make a good show of profound criticism without understanding the matter at all, and this is the most frustrating thing to witness. You may visit http://www.stomp.com.sg to sample some of the warm fuzzy feeling in the atmosphere there.

Believe it or not, Stomp.com.sg and Socrates actually have something in common- both of them are guilty of critical overkill. (Of course, before I get slaughtered, I better emphasize that Socrates was actually a great thinker and a logical man who justified his claims- but you already know this.) Unfortunately, in most of his dialogues, there is no positive outcome at all. He simply points out what is wrong (a powerful skill, no doubt)- but when asked what was right if everything else was wrong, he would declare that that was not his business. Convenient, don't you think?

Now critical thinking is very valuable and has a very important part to play in society. It can be frightening and disturbing just how many people are oblivious to it, and critical thought is infinitely more valuable than ignorance. But critical thinking alone is not enough- and we shouldn't be content with ourselves intellectually just because we are capable of intelligent criticism.

Critical thinking is not quite as important as constructive and creative thinking, which have the potential to achieve much, much more. After all, you cannot design a better way forward simply through judgement- at most, you would be able to refine existing methods to a certain degree. Often we are most critical of ideas that are uncommon, unfamiliar and ambitious. But these are the ideas that go on to create the biggest waves- as Einstein aptly put it, "If at first, the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it." We really ought to learn from hundreds of years of failed critics (people who argued that aircraft would have no military value, television was just a novelty, there would be no reason for anybody to want computers in their homes...) and be a lot less complacent, a lot less protective of status quo and a lot more willing to have our senses and sensibilities challenged. It's our civic duty!

I'm not saying in any way that we should do away with critical thinking- absolutely not. In fact, I would even go so far as to suggest that it might be nearly impossible to achieve- because once you learn how to do it, it develops into a gut instinct, like a nagging voice inside your head that you can't shake off. Intrinsically and on it's own, that's not a bad thing. Thinking in general should be a holistic, thorough process, and spending too much (or too little) time on any aspect is regrettable. A simple analogy- if thinking in general was like driving, thinking critically could be likened utilizing the brakes, while thinking constructively or creatively could be likened to flooring the gas. It would be ridiculous to suggest driving without one or the other- but with the brakes engaged most of the time these days, is it any surprise that we don't seem to be going anywhere?

history p2 is history

So today was my History Paper 2 (which incidentally, happened before Paper 1). I think I did okay. I've seen the standard of essays that some RJ kids have, and mine were definitely not up to those in terms of factual material and length, but I should think I measured up alright in terms of analysis. I'm a little bit disappointed that I didn't do everything I think I could have, but that's how I always feel after every single essay- I think it comes naturally for perfectionist writers.

I think I did fairly well. It was immensely liberating to chuck all my SEA history notes and work into the trash right before the paper. I know what some of you are thinking- "how on earth could you do that?! Two years of effort, memories, information..."

Honestly though I don't think it's that big a deal. Factual information is so freely available these days. I much rather start everything again on a clean slate. Now if you'll excuse me I'm off for more overpriced coffee, fun companionship and mathematical masochism. <3

and so it begins!

Today. Bring it on!

reflection

I was going to do a nice long reflective post, but my Dad just reminded me that it's already midnight and I have to go to bed so that I can wake up early for my paper tomorrow.

How can I summarize what I was going to say?

Everything is going to be alright. :)

doubt

doubt doubt doubt is an uncomfortable thing but certainty is absurd!

I love my maths/civics tutor, he is unbelievably tolerant, encouraging and nice. I totally don't deserve to have a guy like him as a teacher.

^edit: I just realised I already said that the last time I met him. but a good point is worth repeating!

I must do my best! I WILL WORK HARDER! Please do not send me to the boiler's when I am done

But I will not be done for I never am

ho ho ho

JAVA CHIP FRAPPUCINO HERE I COME

differentiation, mclaurin's binomials, functions, inequalities

LAI LAI LAI

less than 100 hours left

pretty frightening. it all boils down to my maths.

i'ma get to work.

more stuff

I'm confident of doing well for History and GP, and I should do well for Literature as well. I imagine that I will do well for Economics after an intense period of study (which my exam timetable conveniently allows for), so all I need to focus on right now is salvaging my Mathematics.

I think my Best Case Scenario is an AAC/AA, which is what I'm rooting for. I think my likely result would be something like an ABD/AB, which hopefully will still be able to get me into NUS FASS. That said, I want that AAC/AA!!!

I absolutely love my Maths/Civics Tutor- he is amazingly tolerant and supportive of me despite all that I have (not) done for so long. I must get a good maths grade (I'm aiming for a C, as I mentioned earlier) in his honour! I hope. I've gotten straight U's from the beginning of J1 until my J2 prelims, so if I get even a D I would be a statistical outlier.

I went to Starbucks earlier and bought a drink for absolutely no reason. I guess that's what habit-forming does to you. I'm going to study at Bedok South Avenue 3 today after returning my overdue library books.

update

busier than expected with the unexpected; will resume blogging tomorrow i hope.

thank you for sticking around ^^

wrote that a couple of minutes ago and was about to head to bed, before realising that it's really quite silly to come onto my blog to say that I'm not going to write an entry today. It's a lame excuse that's a mix of perfectionism, inertia and possibly even laziness, so I decided that I'm going to soldier on and just write whatever's on my mind despite not having a clear plan or idea about what I'm actually going to say. Form the habit first, and then refine the practice, right?

I actually haven't been studying anywhere as much as I should be doing. I've played Left 4 Dead with my friends (killing zombies is always great stress relief and makes for great bonding sessions), Dynasty Warrior on the Playstation 3 at another friend's place (which reminds me that I really want to read Romance of the Three Kingdoms!), watched several episodes of How I Met Your Mother (I like it, but not nearly as much as I love The Big Bang Theory), made lots and lots of new and new-old friends at Siglap Starbucks (Jalan Jamal), where I have been spending far too much money on Java Chip and Green Tea Frappuccinos.

I popped by Wikipedia to check out how Singapore Idol is coming along. Sad to see that Malaque has been eliminated, but it wasn't much of a surprise- we're moving in to serious demographic support here, where your friends and supporters alone will not be able to make much of a dent when going head to head against a large community. Both Faizal Isa and Charles "Stitch" Wong have not once been in the bottom 3, and it's pretty obvious that they're going to be the final two contestants, courtesy of Malay and Chinese teenage girls respectively. Faizal will go on to win.

I was going to write a lot more but I just wasted a lot of time on YouTube watching SG Idol videos. Amused by MJ Kwok. Going to sleep now. So random.

binomial & poisson

I went for my medical appointment at NUH today and found out that I have to go down again, on Jan 15th and Jan 28th. At this rate, it looks like I'm only going to enlist into NS in April or later. I will have about 3 months to myself, at least- which I swear will be the most productive months in my life so far. :)

When I get home later, I will be blogging about Barack Obama, the mother of all conspiracy theories, Superfreakonomics, global warming, optimism and human progress. Stay tuned. :P In the mean time, I'm heading to Starbucks for a drink and to study some statistics. See ya.

tired; drained; exhausted; spent

Well it's not nearly as bad as it sounds, but I'm really astonishingly tired. I covered quite a bit of maths today with a change of approach. I dabbled in a little bit of functions, graphing techniques, AP/GP and mathematical induction. I figure that it makes more sense at this stage to try and salvage a few marks from every topic instead of trying to master one topic at a time- which takes too much time for too little gains. You could say I'm applying the 80/20 principle to good effect, for once.

To be consistent with that spirit, I've decided to take a quick moment to weed out the seemingly minor habits which end up devouring the bulk of my time. With regards to internet usage, I'm not going to allow myself online for more than an hour at a stretch- and all I will do is to check my Facebook, LiveJournal and GMail. I'm going to stay clear from YouTube, Wikipedia and all the awesome RSS feeds on my Google Reader. I will have a lot of fun catching up on all the web comics and blogs I've been following. (As I type this, I just chanced on a 30 minute video from the White House called It's Time To Deliver- I think I can make an exception here.) As you've probably already figured out by now, I am a very flexible person- and that's something where the cons are far more visible than the pros.

I'm heading for my medical check up at NUH tomorrow, I figure I'd bring a book to keep my mind occupied. I'm not sure whether I should bring along Superfreakonomics, which I've been wanting to read, or some History, Economics or Literature material to read up. I think I ought to play this one by ear, and I don't feel traumatized enough to want to take a break. So notes it will be.

Heh. Such discipline is very new to me. I can't help but to snigger at myself. Even I don't believe in me! Hahahaha. We'll see, man.

quick word

First of all I want to say I am astounded by the amount of raw readership this is getting. I expected to get more hits from me discussing the Singaporean Government or Maria Ozawa, but it seems that the bulk of my daily hits are coming from random Singaporeans who directly come to this URL. I can never ignore a nice audience, so I want to say thank you for following me so far. I hope I've made some of you think about some things or look at things in a different way, and I hope you'll follow me back to my main blog after my A Levels are over.

Some nitty-gritty details- I have to head down to see a cardiologist at NUH Clinic H tomorrow at 1400 to verify my PES status. (and if I fail to comply I may be charged under Enlistment Act Section 33- so exciting!) The medical guys at CMPB decided that I might have Marfan's Syndrome (wikipedia that) because I'm unusually tall for a Singaporean, so I'm guessing I got to get a cardiologist to ensure that my heart won't fail in the middle of a route march. I'm pretty sure I'm fine- everything else points towards PES A. All I really want for my National Service is to be challenged during my National Service, and preferably not in the "test your personal fortitude by doing mindless grinding work" way because I'm getting enough of that right now.

With regards for my strategy for my studies- I've decided that I'm not going to let myself be more confident about my GP, History and Literature- subjects that I know I can get A's in, and stress myself less about my Economics- a subject I know I can do fairly well in when I put in the necessary effort. I'm going to devote all my time and energy now to saving my Mathematics, at least for the time being. I need to see some results to have some peace of mind.

I'm heading down to Siglap Starbucks again to study. These days, you'll find me either there or under Block 67 at Bedok South Avenue 3. Feel free to drop by and say hi. I'm a friendly chap.

Okay, less talk, more study! Ciao!

temporary paralysis

The moment I wrote that as the title I immediately thought of that little device that Obadiah Stane used in Iron Man that could temporarily paralyze people for 15 minutes.

Anyway, I really haven't gotten any work done in the past 4 or 5 days. It's ridiculous. When I started this blog, I was thinking that I was going to be documenting how much I'm doing every single day for 80 consecutive days. What remains here is a testament to the weakness of my will and my absolute lack of discipline- yesterday I watched two movies at a friend's place (Let The Right One In is an absolutely awesome show that cannot be easily described) and ended up going to bed at 7am- and waking up at 4pm.

So today was productive, right? No. I went to Starbucks to study, but I ran into a group of friends who convinced me to play 2 hours of LAN- which we did. We played DotA and Left 4 Dead, both games which I haven't touched in months. We then ate dinner at McDonald's and went back to study... nope. We went to watch Liverpool beat Man Utd at a nearby coffeeshop. All I did today was about 3 or 4 questions on Vectors.

Above all that, I am starting to get edgy when I think about my other major commitment- Armchair Critic's EP Launch. For those of you who don't already know, I play in a band called Armchair Critic and we're about to release our debut EP (which is like a mini-album). We figured that we'd have to release it after our A Levels because me and my guitarist will be serving NS soon after and we'd probably lose a lot of our drive and steam if we had to wait until much later to get it done.

The problem? The EP still isn't completed. I am now concurrently trying to save my Maths from Absolute Fail AND trying to complete a mini-album that still needs quite a bit of work... and I'm not sure that I could accomplish one or the other in this given span of time, let alone both simultaneously.

I need to perform a miracle.

The realistic side of me tells me that I'm going to release an average EP that won't be that great, and that my A Level results will be alright but nothing to brag about. That bums me out. I don't want to be average. That's not how I live my life.

Before I pursue that thought further, I think it's best that I focus on getting some stuff done before I start to think about it.

Running this blog is a very strange experience because I am conscious that I am wasting my time, and my instinct tells me to stop blogging or stop thinking and all that because I should be getting work done instead. Then and again, if I used my time effectively, I should be able to do everything I want to and more. Forgive me if I'm being a little random and unrefined in my phrasing but I'm just throwing things out as they run through my mind.

I'm in a bit of a mess right now- I don't mean emotionally or psychologically or in a negative way, but I need to get to work... and I've been saying this how many times already?!

I know that in time, I will be able to go over this and sort things out- because I always can.

So I can do it later. See? That's me managing my time effectively. It can be done. Now to

translate it to the rest of my daily routine.

C'mon, Visa.

i can do better than this

now is not the time to be making new friends

now is not the time to be doing movie marathons

now is not the time

i can do better than this

i can do better

i can

i

sweltering

I realise one of the problems I have with keeping this blog afloat is that I always procrastinate getting to it. My typical online routine involves going on Facebook, stalking my friends' LiveJournals, checking my forums and covering some of the webcomics and news feeds on my Google Reader (which repopulates faster than I can read it).

So I figure that if I just make sure I write something every time I get on the internet, I will start to turn this into a more consistent habit, which means you can come back here more often without having that disappointed "Aw shucks, there's nothing new to read!" feeling. I hate that feeling, so I'm going to do my best to make sure you aren't subjected to it. (In my head, I was thinking "you don't kena". Singlish is so wonderfully succint sometimes!)

Malcolm Gladwell (Blink, Tipping Point, Outliers) has a new book out, and so do Levitt/Dubner (Freakonomics) and Tim Harford (The Undercover Economist). I am foaming at the mouth! Absolutely cannot wait to get my hands on them and devour them all from cover to cover in a single sitting, and then go through them again. I've already gotten the second two, now to get my hands on Gladwell's latest work. Mmm. I am such a nerd at heart.

In other news, it's a brutally hot day today.

i know i haven't been posting

I feel so bad. I just got me some new books; Traffic by Tom Vanderbilt and Dear Undercover Economist, a collection of letters to economist Tim Harford in the Financial Times. They are awesome! I know I should be studying; but still!

I'm pretty confident of an A for History; my SEA history is strong and my International History is almost there. GP should be an easy A as well. I think I could do the same for Lit.

Which brings me to Maths and Econs. Econs isn't too bad- I think I'm at about a C standard and might be able to push for a B, or even possibly an A (not at the rate I'm working though).

My maths is still at Status Fail. Will have to fix that.

Ciao

3:18am

I left my house at 9pm to study; and amazingly I really got quite a substantial amount of my Southeast-Asian History covered. I don't think I've ever sat down and gotten so much work covered in such a short period of time before (excluding rushing to meet deadlines; in which the work is often slipshod).

If I can sustain this, I might even surprise myself!

Goodnight!

self-determination is the aberration of the foundation of this degenerate nation

24 days left to the A levels, which will define the past 13 years of my life as an unorthodox student & determine my legitimacy as a self-indulgent know-it-all for the next decade or so. Each day's consequence has an entire year's significance. How's that for a real-world application of chaos theory? I have rarely felt so alive or self-aware. I love it.

obvious

My sleep cycle is slowly messing up again; I'm sleeping at 3am, going to school at 6, then falling asleep soon as i get home. The immune system is starting to get slightly affected. I'm going to nip this in the bud.

Today is history essay outlines day!

O_O TIME IS RUNNING OUT

Did I say I was calm?!

>____>

Well, to be honest I still am rather calm, but I'm starting to get that sense of foreboding doom again. It seems to be directly related to the amount of effort I've been putting in- I feel more of it when I haven't been getting much done.

I'm going to quickly do a SEA history essay outline and meet my tutor for a consult! Byebye

25 days left

I should be getting more frightened and pressured, but interestingly, I'm not. In fact I'm starting to feel more calm than I have in quite some time. I'm looking forward to catching Mr. Big when they come to town this weekend. I'm heading to town to buy clothes for Deepavali. Gotten started on my Maths!

seething.

I have to do well for my A-Levels, more than ever, to prove a point to all the people who don't believe that I can do it.

hey guys!

I haven't been blogging here for a while; and I am so, so touched to see that there are quite a few of you who actually are regular visitors who pop by every other day or so to see if I've updated. The thought of that alone is enough to get me back here to post again. If you guys would make yourself more visible by commenting or leaving tags, I would feel a lot more pressure to post more regularly! (hint hint)

The countdown meter at the left says it all; as I write this there are only 30 odd days left to what my society has heralded as the most important examinations of my life so far; something pivotal that would either catapult me to University, or leave me jaded and helpless about my future while serving my NS stint. (That's absolute tripe, of course. You can burn all my certificates and qualifications, and I will honestly relish the challenge.)

So what am I up to right now? I didn't study today, unfortunately. I really feel like singing right now (at 1:03am; have you ever felt that way?) so I'm going to pick up my guitar and sing.

Life is beautiful!

interesting moment

So today I skipped maths lecture to eat a sandwich and read a book in the canteen. One of the teachers who I'm quite familiar with approached me and asked me why I wasn't in lecture. I said "Aiyah, never mind lah!" She half-smiled as she shooed me off to the lecture anyway, saying something about how it was the right thing to do.

It was an interesting moment. She's one of the nice teachers who obviously cares about the average student's well-being and academic performance. I wonder what really went through her mind? I don't think I come across as a trouble-maker or a problem-student. If anything, I imagine it would have been something along the lines of "I hope this joker is studying hard."

I would hate to disappoint her. She's a nice lady. History and Maths today!

rarh

i know i haven't been posting in a while;

things are difficult

please bear with me

panic attack

october already omg omg omg omg omg

omg

i shall commemorate the occasion by sorting out all my stuff by subject... and hopefully by topic

<40 days left- intensity begins.

So we've reached the halfway point. With only 40 days left, I have absolutely no excuse whatsoever to put in anything less than 100%.

Indonesians love Maria Ozawa!

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Faisal Isa is the next Singapore Idol

So I finally decided to check out the Singapore Idol Season 3 clips on YouTube, and I'd like to make a bold prediction. FAIZAL ISA will win Singapore Idol 3.

Why do I say this? It's glaringly obvious that the 3rd Singapore Idol will, following in the footsteps of Taufik Batisah and Hady Mirza, also be a Malay male. There are two simple reasons for this- female teenagers, and Malay solidarity. The Malay community in Singapore is by far the strongest and most tight-knit, and will definitely spend much more time and money to vote for one of their own. I'm guessing a good 80% of the votes come from 20% of the voters, which pretty much sums up the Malay teenage-girl phenomenon.

Of course, Faizal isn't going to win simply because he's a Malay guy. He's got the looks, he's got the charisma, and most importantly, he already looks like Idol material. When I first saw him, I thought he was a Jason Mraz wannabe because he was singing a Jason Mraz song and wearing that trademark Jason Mraz hat. But he impressed me with his growth as a performer, which clearly suggests that he knows what he wants and what he has to do to reach that dream. Granted, I could be cynical and say that he's simply getting out of one cliché mold and jumping into another, but that would be undermining the amount of effort and dedication it takes. Besides, he's a young kid and has a lot of room to grow.

My previous bet was on Farhan Shah, but he simply doesn't seem as strong a contestant as Faizal. He certainly has the looks, but doesn't quite seem talented enough in comparison. If he has an intelligent, marketing mind, he could be the next Paul Twohill- (who gets to do all sorts of fun kinky stuff with Kay Kay in Chick Vs. Dick, that lucky bastard.)

Of the three Malay guys in the competition, Sezairi Sezali is by far the most musically and vocally talented. I know him as a hardworking fellow who has earned his stripes in the local music scene with the band Juxtapose. He's a seasoned performer, which should earn you credit- but we've seen how much help that was to Syltra Lee. He's also got interesting, diverse and refined tastes- but I don't think that will help him very much either. I imagine the Singapore Idol experience is going to be good exposure for him and his music though, and I'm betting he'll stay around for a long time because he's an interesting character. Album sales will be good for you, Sezairi!

Dark Horses:

Charles "Stitch" Wong will be around much longer than any of us expect him to be. The smart thing to do would be not to overdo the beatboxing and the guitar-playing all at once. Regardless, he will likely win the Ah Lian votes and I wouldn't be surprised if he were the Idol Runner-Up like Sylvester Sim or Jonathan Leong. He could then go on to have a decent career in the Mandarin music scene, perhaps.

Duane Ho is a solid vocalist, and has the cute-lovable-teddy-bear image going for him. Unfortunately, he's a novelty character. He will definitely be shed before the end, but how long he can stay depends on the strength of his fanbase. He may go pretty far, but he will not make it to the final four.

Got Chance:

Nurul Huda is a very strong contestant- she has good vocals, and is a very comfortable performer. She has style and pizazz and will go quite a distance. I'm looking forward to seeing her next few performances. I'm guessing she might make it to Final 4.

I would love for Malaque to go all the way and win it; then I can proudly say that I lost TPJC Songfest to the girl who would go on to become Singapore Idol! She's a wonderful personality and extremely lovable with great pipes to boot (and she's looking more ooh-la-la than ever), but I'm guessing that she won't go as far as she deserves to. She has my support.

Sylvia Ratonel BOOMS! She's attractive and has star quality! She will no doubt go on to become a local celebrity, and we will see her acting in local shows and hosting local events. FHM will be knocking on her door pretty soon. I will buy that issue. She doesn't need Idol to become big in her own right.

Fathin Amira reminds me a little bit of both Rahimah Rahim and Olinda Cho- she has spunk and attitude, and really channels the emotion of the song. Her rendition of Hurt, while a little pitchy, was really emotive and strong! She will stick around for some time.

Bye Bye:

Syltra Lee is a great performer and she went home too early. I hope the exposure was good for her and that she'll continue to pursue success in her own way, because she's definitely a hard-working performer.

Tabitha Nauser has the vocal chops. She's cute and exudes a fun personality. It's sad and unfortunate, but we will lose her much earlier than she deserves. She will lose the "vote-for-the-hot-girl" votes to Sylvia, and the "fun personality" votes to Fathin and Malaque.

Mae Sta Maria is pretty and has some attitude, but she will not go much further because of her age and her race, unless she does something amazing next time round. She will be quite easily forgotten, and doesn't come across as particularly ambitious.

learning in the most unusual places

One of the biggest scares perpetuated by my friends is that our ability to think will be worn down by the abysmal drudgery that National Service is supposedly going to be. While that argument does make sense to a certain degree and I have noticed some of my more intelligent friends coming down with bad cases of existentialist crises or the Stupids upon enlisting, I am pretty confident that this can be averted by being adaptable. (Enter old Chinese philosopher stroking his beard- "Be flexible like water, not stiff like board...")

While I'm currently rediscovering the intellectual joy that is to be found in books (having been misled by the bright and shiny lights of the interwebs), I must continue to acknowledge that some of the greatest things that I've learnt were all from experiences that might strike others as dull or monotonous. Let me share some of these lessons with you.

***

Like the average poker player does, I liked to think that I was above average. I was doing rather well on Facebook's Texas Hold'Em Application, and I watched videos of the pros on YouTube and knew quite a few of them by name. When some friends in the local music scene invited me to play poker with them at one of their homes, I jumped at the chance, thinking I'd make a quick buck. I was so, so wrong.

I was playing fairly well, I thought. I'd won a couple of hands, and stayed out of many bad ones. I was disciplined and cool-headed. The game took a massive turn for me when I was committed to the pot with a Full House, and my opponent went all-in with more than my entire chip stack. Normally, under any circumstances, I would have played that hand- but I was convinced that the other guy had 4-of-a-kind (a highly improbable hand, only beaten by a straight flush- the rarest of them all). He didn't. At that point in time, I was absolutely, thoroughly convinced- but he told me afterwards how he had read me like a book and led me, like a lamb, into doing exactly what he wanted me to do. It was a very powerful learning experience, and something I will never forget. Two hands after that, I would lose all my money going aggressively all in with a good hand against a better hand, and when I bought in again after that, I lost my entire second buy-in going all-in with a very good hand against an even better hand. I lost about $20-30 that day, and at the highest point I stood to win $60+. It isn't a lot of money, to be honest, but the realization of just how vulnerable I actually was beyond my comfort zone was priceless.

***

I used to work at Shangri-La Hotel as manual labour; I was one of the Banquet staff. There were loads and loads of part-timers, some much more regular than others. I could have (and should have) had an entire blog detailing the various experiences I had working there. There were so many lessons I had learnt. One thing that stands out for me was the friendship I had with a bartender. He was a short, fit Chinese guy- the sort of respectable old school 'Ah Beng', who reminded me of "Andrew" from "Growing Up". He had neat but somewhat long hair, and crude tattooes all over his hands, knuckles and neck... I imagine his whole body must have been covered with them. He was well mannered and honourable, and very, very likable. I would talk to him and eat lunch with him. He would never say much, but he clearly approved of my company and would wait for me when we had meals or smoke breaks. Once, this fat, slobbering and very annoying new part-timer barged in to join us at lunch without having been invited. He burped, laughed loudly and made a hell of a mess. Ah Beng snapped at him- "Study so far still behave like this!" The pig-boy snorted and said "ITE not very far what!", upon which Ah Beng revealed that he was a primary school dropout.

There came a time when me and Ah Beng and the rest of the fellas had been working together for some time and gotten used to each other, amidst the cyclic nature of the other part-timers. Once, me and Ah Beng were smoking when we managed to catch a breather between carrying tonnes of heavy stuff back and forth from the ballrooms to the storerooms. I was down to my last cigarette, and was smoking it right to the filter. Ah Beng slapped it out of my hand. "Don't smoke until that part lah, bad for you!". He then reached into his own pack and gave me two cigarettes and told me it was on him, and that I could repay the favour if he ever was in a pinch. That day, Ah Beng taught me more about generosity than any educated person I have ever met. To this day, I still have more respect for Ah Beng than many of my peers in Junior College and University. I still hope to bump into him some day so I can buy him a pack of cigarettes.

***

burning platform

Time is flying past really really fast and the fear is slowly starting to set in.

I got 58.5 for my GP, which is a C. I was stunned. I was expecting an A or B. I got 34 for my essay and 24.5 for my comprehension (which was characterized by a 1.5/8 for my summary). I was stunned, honestly. I left the paper feeling good about it. I secretly want to hold both the paper and the markers in contempt, but I will learn nothing from that. I am still confident of getting an A for GP at the A Levels. I must. It will shake the foundations of my identity if I do not. Then and again, that might go on to make me a better person, but I am not going to let my "in the big picture, in the long run, nothing is a big deal" nonsense deter me from doing what must be done.

I got a 63 for my Southeast Asian History, which is a B. I didn't do my International History paper so I'll get a 0 for that, but I'll be taking the paper tomorrow for practice's sake and I desperately want to score an A or B. I need that element of security, to know that I can confidently and easily score for at least one of the papers.

Physically, I've just been feeling so bloody lethargic. I still cough up phlegm from time to time, suggesting that my lungs haven't completely cleaned themselves out. My metabolism is definitely slowing down- I feel terribly cold everywhere I go, and I'm still eating far less than I should. Above all, I miss feeling physically powerful. The feeling like you can just do anything. That's it, I'm going to hit the gym today. I'm pretty sure it'll help me get my appetite up and lethargy down again.

If there's anything about me that's truly respectable, it's that you can never keep me down.

lots of stuff on my mind

meeting friends for dinner, update later!

Books To Read

Mythology/Epics/Legends:

The Mahabaratha

The Ramayana

Homer's Odessey

Homer's Illiad

The Bible

Oedipus

Ulysses

Epic of Gilgamesh

King Arthur & tKoTR

Romance Of The Three Kingdoms

Philosophy:

Phaedo, Plato

Organan, Aristotle

Summa Theologica, Thomas Aquinas

Meditations, Rene Decartes

An Essay Concerning Human Understanding, John Locke

Critique of Pure Reason, Immanuel Kant

Science of Logic, Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel

Being and Nothingness, Jean-Paul Sartre

Language, Truth, and Logic, A.J. Ayer

Philosophical Investigations, Ludwig Wittgenstein

Derek Parfit, Reasons and Persons

Frank Jackson, From Metaphysics to Ethics : A Defence of Conceptual Analysis

Saul Kripke, Naming and Necessity

Dave Chalmers, The Conscious Mind : In Search of a Fundamental Theory

David Lewis, On the Plurality of Worlds

Michael Smith, The Moral Problem

J.S. Mill's On Liberty

Dennett's Consciousness Explained

"The Birth Of Tragedy" by Nietzsche

The Essence of Christianity by Ludwig Feurbach

The God Delusion, Richard Dawkins

The Blind Watchmaker, Richard Dawkins

Biographies:

Mien Kampf (Hitler)

Third World to First (Lee Kuan Yew)

No Easy Walk To Freedom (Mandela)

Audacity of Hope (Obama)

Slash

Scar Tissue (Anthony Kiedis)

Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, an American Slave

Randy Pausch- The Last Lecture

Richard Branson - Losing My Virginity

The Secret Life of Houdini: The Making of America's First Superhero by Kalush and Sloman

"My Experiments with truth" - Gandhi

Kurt Vonnegut - Fate Worse Than Death

Clapton: The Autobiography by Eric Clapton

Motley Crue: The Dirt - Confessions of the World's Most Notorious Rock Band

Sociology/Economics:

The Death and Life of Great American Cities - Jane Jacobs

The Economy of Cities - Jane Jacobs

Cities and the Wealth of Nations - Jane Jacobs

Systems of Survival - Jane Jacobs

The Nature of Economies - Jane Jacobs

Dark Age Ahead - Jane Jacobs

Tipping Point - Malcolm Gladwell

Blink - Malcolm Gladwell

Outliers - Malcolm Gladwell

"The Wisdom of Insecurity", by Alan W. Watts

Sway

Logic Of Life - Tim Harford

The Undercover Economist - Tim Harford

More Sex, Safer Sex

Freakonomics - Steven Levitt

Supercapitalism: The Transformation of Business, Democracy, and Everyday Life - Robert Reich

The End of Poverty: Economic Possibilities for Our Time - Jeffrey Sachs

Common Wealth: Economics for a Crowded Planet - Jeffrey Sachs

No Logo - Naomi Klein

The Shock Doctrine - Naomi Klein

Das Kapital

The Communist Manifesto

The Wealth of Nations by Adam Smith

History/Political Science:

Sun Tzu's The Art Of War

Team of Rivals

Men In White (PAP)

Lee Kuan Yew's Memoirs

The Malay Dilemma (Mahatir)

New Asian Hemisphere (Kishore Mahbubani)

Social Theory of International Politics by Alexander Wendt

Bowling Alone : The Collapse and Revival of American Community by Robert D. Putnam

The Clash of Civilizations and the Remaking of World Order by Samuel P. Huntington

The Post-American World - Fareed Zakaria

The Future Of Freedom - Fareed Zakaria

The End of History and the Last Man - Francis Fukuyama

Imagined Communities: Reflections on the Origin and Spread of Nationalism - Benedict Anderson

The World Is Flat - Thomas Friedman

Sciencey Stuff:

"Ideas & Opinions," by Albert Einstein

"A Brief History of Time," by Stephen Hawking

Darwin's The Origin of Species

The Selfish Gene - Dawkins

The Myth of Monogamy: Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People (2002), by David Barash and Judith Lipton.

The Science of Orgasm (2006), by Barry Komisauruk, Carlos Beyer-Flores, and Beverly Whipple

How to Survive a Robot Uprising (2005), by Daniel H. Wilson.

Evolution's Rainbow: Why Darwin Was Wrong About Sexual Selection (2004), by Joan Roughgarden.

Why Things Break (2003), by Mark Eberhart.

How the Universe Got Its Spots (2002), by Janna Levin.

A User's Guide to the Brain (2002), by John Ratey.

The Code Book: The Science of Secrecy from Ancient Egypt to Quantum Cryptography (2000), by Simon Singh

The Elegant Universe (2000), by Brian Greene

Guns, Germs, and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies (1999), by Jared Diamond

Six Easy Pieces: Essentials of Physics

Explained by its Most Brilliant Teacher (1995), by Richard P. Feynman

The Coming Plague: Newly Emerging Diseases in a World Out of Balance (1995), by Laurie Garrett.

Cosmos (1985), by Carl Sagan.

Godel, Escher, Bach (1979), by Douglas Hofstadter

Animal Liberation (1975), by Peter Singer.

Male and Female (1949), by Margaret Mead.

The Well: A Story of Love, Death, and Real Life in the Seminal Online Community (2001), by Katie Hafner.

Illegal Beings: Human Clones and the Law (2005), by Kerry MacIntosh.

Shakespeare:

Romeo & Juliet

The Merchant of Venice

Othello

Macbeth

Hamlet

King Lear

A Midsummer's Night Dream

Literature:

Crime & Punishment

Man In The Iron Mask

Hunchback of Notre Dame

The Count of Monte Cristo

Les Miserables

Phantom of the Opera

Anna Karenina

War & Peace

Great Expectations

Oliver Twist

Pride & Prejudice

The Pearl

For Whom The Bell Tolls

The Old Man & The Sea

Animal Farm

Sophie's World

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Tom Sawyer & Huckleberry Finn

Death of a Salesman

Lord Of The Flies

Frankenstein

Chekov's stories

Moby Dick

The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery

The Andromeda Strain by Michael Crichton

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe

Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck

East of Eden by John Steinbeck

The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck

Dracula by Bram Stoker

Lolita

The Great Gatsby

Catch-22

Crime & Punishment

To Kill A Mockingbird

Middlemarch

The Catcher in the Rye

Alice in Wonderland

Dr. Jekyl & Mr. Hyde

Gulliver's Travels

The Stand (Stephen King)

The Postman Always Rings Twice

Madame Bovary

Anatomy of Melancholy

The Satanic Verses

Charlotte's Web

Wrinkle In Time

Friedrich

The Handmaid's Tale

The Time-Traveller's Wife

Sum of All Fears

Foundation by Isaac Asimov

Gone With The Wind

Religion & The Rise of Capitalism

The Chocolate War

Beyond The Chocolate War

Fight Club

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

His Dark Materials Trilogy

The Lord Of The Rings

The Earthsea Series by Ursula Le Guin

The Time Machine by HG Wells

The War of the Worlds by HG Wells

The Chrisalids

- Brave New World

- 1984

- Fahrenheit 451

- Utopia, by Thomas Moore

Of Mice And Men

The Prince (Machiavelli)

The Discourse

Dracula

"Slaughterhouse Five," by Kurt Vonnegut

Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut

Atlas Shrugged

A Clockwork Orange

The Last Of The Mohicans

The Call Of The Wild

Flatland

Uncle Tom's Cabin

Don Quixote

Jane Eyre

Comics/Graphic Novels:

V for Vendetta

The Watchmen

Neil Gaiman's Sandman