A Levels in 80 Days

results

2010-03-10T08:31:00.000+08:00

I know some of you might be curious about my results, so here we go

B: H2 Economics
B: H2 History :(
S: H2 Mathematics X_X
B: H1 Project Work
B: H1 Literature
A: H1 General Paper

Yeah.

bye

2009-11-29T03:43:00.002+08:00

bye\

I'm looking to sell my graphing calculator at like $60? anybody wanna buy? email me visakanv at gmail dot com

this blog has served its purpose

2009-11-25T23:07:00.005+08:00

I am now moving back to my main blog, visakanv.com

CLICK HERE!

and now I'm sick

2009-11-22T16:48:00.000+08:00

that was unbelievably predictable. >_> so silly of me.

LAST PAPER

2009-11-20T12:09:00.001+08:00

WHEEEEE OFF I GO

congratulations, mate

2009-11-19T07:40:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow will be the last day of my A Level examinations. The last day I will be wearing a school uniform. The end of an entire stage of my life which has spanned 13 years so far. Most people would be in a celebratory mood, and I have been anticipating for the longest time that I would be, too. Strangely though, I'm not.

I suppose the main reason is because I don't feel like I've earned the right to celebrate. I hadn't put in the hours that I promised myself I would. I hadn't done my tutorials or paid attention in lectures.

So here's what I'm going to try to do instead- I'm going to take my post-exam time period more seriously than anything else. I'm going to hit the gym, play the guitar, sing, read, write, draw and think like I've never thought before.

I've pretty much been celebrating all my life, anyway. :P

the economics of ignorance

2009-11-17T03:21:00.007+08:00

I was on the typology central forums today and I found an interesting question: Why do people love assumptions?

First of all, I humbly suggest that the main reason why anybody makes any sort of assumption in any sort of scenario is to save time and effort. (This statement in itself is based on an assumption, because I have neither the time nor the energy to bother doing extensive research on the matter at this point in time. Hur hur, I'm so witty, hur hur.) Sometimes this is done because there isn't much of a choice, such as in a medical emergency or most other crisis situations. Sometimes, as any overworked and under-appreciated parent will tell you, this is done to divert time and energy elsewhere, such as in the pursuit of a decent social life. Often this is done simply to avoid expending time and energy to begin with.

The more interesting concern though, is why do so many people people make such ignorant assumptions? Many economists have established how and why pollution, traffic congestion and global warming are so rampant- and I'd like to apply the same principles to ignorance. To put it in simple economic terms, ignorant assumptions cost society more than they cost the individuals. They can be described as negative externalities, which are caused by a divergence between personal cost and social cost wherein the affected 3rd parties are not compensated. Let me explain:

The average ignorant individual considers the personal benefit of his ignorance (the self-perception of intelligence or superiority) to exceed his personal cost, and hence indulges in lots of ignorant behavior as he considers it personally profitable to do so. In contrast, ignorant assumptions have a net social cost- all of us collectively are worse off because of them. However, as ignorance is not significantly taxed or penalized, humanity collectively indulges in far more ignorance than what is socially optimal. Believe it or not, being a stupid twat can actually considered to be rational behavior.

Moving back to assumptions in general. Whatever the reasoning behind it, it is certain that we will have to make assumptions just to allow us to get on with our lives- we can't spend everyday worrying whether our assumption that the laws of the universe will still hold through tomorrow. (Unless you're a theoretical physicist or something, in which case you could perhaps make a living out of it.)

the inadequacy of critical thinking

2009-11-10T19:25:00.010+08:00

It bothers me when critical thinking is portrayed as the Holy Grail of thought and intellectual firepower- as if we could solve all our problems just by carefully evaluating everything we have in front of us. We've reached a stage where it's become more important, intellectual and safe to point out what seems wrong than at suggesting what might be better. Is it really any surprise that healthcare reform in the US is taking so long, even with the best and the brightest minds working at it? Critical thinking is incredibly important, but clearly it isn't enough.

Critical thinking is often regarded by established institutions as the highest form of thinking- our Government and civil service are no exceptions. Lee Kuan Yew is, after all, a great and profound critical thinker who has received immense acclaim for his accomplishments. Such a system of thought is brilliant protection against wild, crazy ideas that might threaten and disturb society with deviant ideas, isn't it? (No, I am not being sarcastic.) It was critical pragmatism that got our country where she is today, but it's the same thing that's making it smell a little bit too antiseptic and feel a little too uncomfortable, like a new sofa with the plastic covers left on.

It's easy to see the "safe" aspect of critical thinking. You can't go wrong when you dwell on the mistakes and problems of your opponent (unless your name is Chee Soon Juan- in which case you're pretty much screwed, because your criticism itself is subject to criticism- can you spell defamation lawsuit?) This is common in politics everywhere, including The Land Of The Free. Everything the other party proposes is nonsense, and vice versa. You always sound more "right" when you point out mistakes than when you actually suggest a solution that everybody knows can't possibly be perfect the first time round. This creates an atmosphere that isn't particularly credible, and actually ruins the political process by giving voters incentives to be justifiably indifferent and apathetic. (Tim Harford describes this phenomenon brilliantly in The Logic Of Life.)

If 95% of an idea is valid but 5% is more doubtful, it's easier and more impressive to focus on the failings of that five percent. If we did so to improve ideas by trying to improve and strengthen the weak links then then that would be laudable- but that's not what we do. We focus on the five percent to suggest, quite absurdly, that if this 5% is weak, the whole idea is worthless.

One of the main problems of critical thinking is it's attraction for those who, for some reason or another, choose not to be constructive or creative. If someone designs a simple chair, then that chair can be criticized as stark and boring. The chair may be compared to a prison chair or a hospital chair. It may be condemned as without style or character. If the person had designed a more elaborate chair, then that chair could be criticized as vulgar and fussy. All the critic needs to do is to choose a position different from that which is offered and then to attack what is offered as different from the critic's chosen position- hardly great thinking.

This is even worse if the critic doesn't understand what he or she is actually criticizing. It is quite easy to make a good show of profound criticism without understanding the matter at all, and this is the most frustrating thing to witness. You may visit http://www.stomp.com.sg to sample some of the warm fuzzy feeling in the atmosphere there.

Believe it or not, Stomp.com.sg and Socrates actually have something in common- both of them are guilty of critical overkill. (Of course, before I get slaughtered, I better emphasize that Socrates was actually a great thinker and a logical man who justified his claims- but you already know this.) Unfortunately, in most of his dialogues, there is no positive outcome at all. He simply points out what is wrong (a powerful skill, no doubt)- but when asked what was right if everything else was wrong, he would declare that that was not his business. Convenient, don't you think?

Now critical thinking is very valuable and has a very important part to play in society. It can be frightening and disturbing just how many people are oblivious to it, and critical thought is infinitely more valuable than ignorance. But critical thinking alone is not enough- and we shouldn't be content with ourselves intellectually just because we are capable of intelligent criticism.

Critical thinking is not quite as important as constructive and creative thinking, which have the potential to achieve much, much more. After all, you cannot design a better way forward simply through judgement- at most, you would be able to refine existing methods to a certain degree. Often we are most critical of ideas that are uncommon, unfamiliar and ambitious. But these are the ideas that go on to create the biggest waves- as Einstein aptly put it, "If at first, the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it." We really ought to learn from hundreds of years of failed critics (people who argued that aircraft would have no military value, television was just a novelty, there would be no reason for anybody to want computers in their homes...) and be a lot less complacent, a lot less protective of status quo and a lot more willing to have our senses and sensibilities challenged. It's our civic duty!

I'm not saying in any way that we should do away with critical thinking- absolutely not. In fact, I would even go so far as to suggest that it might be nearly impossible to achieve- because once you learn how to do it, it develops into a gut instinct, like a nagging voice inside your head that you can't shake off. Intrinsically and on it's own, that's not a bad thing. Thinking in general should be a holistic, thorough process, and spending too much (or too little) time on any aspect is regrettable. A simple analogy- if thinking in general was like driving, thinking critically could be likened utilizing the brakes, while thinking constructively or creatively could be likened to flooring the gas. It would be ridiculous to suggest driving without one or the other- but with the brakes engaged most of the time these days, is it any surprise that we don't seem to be going anywhere?

history p2 is history

2009-11-09T17:49:00.002+08:00

So today was my History Paper 2 (which incidentally, happened before Paper 1). I think I did okay. I've seen the standard of essays that some RJ kids have, and mine were definitely not up to those in terms of factual material and length, but I should think I measured up alright in terms of analysis. I'm a little bit disappointed that I didn't do everything I think I could have, but that's how I always feel after every single essay- I think it comes naturally for perfectionist writers.

I think I did fairly well. It was immensely liberating to chuck all my SEA history notes and work into the trash right before the paper. I know what some of you are thinking- "how on earth could you do that?! Two years of effort, memories, information..."

Honestly though I don't think it's that big a deal. Factual information is so freely available these days. I much rather start everything again on a clean slate. Now if you'll excuse me I'm off for more overpriced coffee, fun companionship and mathematical masochism. <3

and so it begins!

2009-11-09T06:34:00.000+08:00

Today. Bring it on!

reflection

2009-11-09T00:01:00.001+08:00

I was going to do a nice long reflective post, but my Dad just reminded me that it's already midnight and I have to go to bed so that I can wake up early for my paper tomorrow.

How can I summarize what I was going to say?

Everything is going to be alright. :)

doubt

2009-11-06T17:25:00.002+08:00

doubt doubt doubt is an uncomfortable thing but certainty is absurd!

I love my maths/civics tutor, he is unbelievably tolerant, encouraging and nice. I totally don't deserve to have a guy like him as a teacher.

^edit: I just realised I already said that the last time I met him. but a good point is worth repeating!

I must do my best! I WILL WORK HARDER! Please do not send me to the boiler's when I am done

But I will not be done for I never am

ho ho ho

JAVA CHIP FRAPPUCINO HERE I COME

differentiation, mclaurin's binomials, functions, inequalities

LAI LAI LAI

less than 100 hours left

2009-11-05T14:18:00.000+08:00

pretty frightening. it all boils down to my maths.

i'ma get to work.

more stuff

2009-11-04T15:58:00.003+08:00

I'm confident of doing well for History and GP, and I should do well for Literature as well. I imagine that I will do well for Economics after an intense period of study (which my exam timetable conveniently allows for), so all I need to focus on right now is salvaging my Mathematics.

I think my Best Case Scenario is an AAC/AA, which is what I'm rooting for. I think my likely result would be something like an ABD/AB, which hopefully will still be able to get me into NUS FASS. That said, I want that AAC/AA!!!

I absolutely love my Maths/Civics Tutor- he is amazingly tolerant and supportive of me despite all that I have (not) done for so long. I must get a good maths grade (I'm aiming for a C, as I mentioned earlier) in his honour! I hope. I've gotten straight U's from the beginning of J1 until my J2 prelims, so if I get even a D I would be a statistical outlier.

I went to Starbucks earlier and bought a drink for absolutely no reason. I guess that's what habit-forming does to you. I'm going to study at Bedok South Avenue 3 today after returning my overdue library books.

update

2009-11-04T00:25:00.001+08:00

busier than expected with the unexpected; will resume blogging tomorrow i hope.

thank you for sticking around ^^

wrote that a couple of minutes ago and was about to head to bed, before realising that it's really quite silly to come onto my blog to say that I'm not going to write an entry today. It's a lame excuse that's a mix of perfectionism, inertia and possibly even laziness, so I decided that I'm going to soldier on and just write whatever's on my mind despite not having a clear plan or idea about what I'm actually going to say. Form the habit first, and then refine the practice, right?

I actually haven't been studying anywhere as much as I should be doing. I've played Left 4 Dead with my friends (killing zombies is always great stress relief and makes for great bonding sessions), Dynasty Warrior on the Playstation 3 at another friend's place (which reminds me that I really want to read Romance of the Three Kingdoms!), watched several episodes of How I Met Your Mother (I like it, but not nearly as much as I love The Big Bang Theory), made lots and lots of new and new-old friends at Siglap Starbucks (Jalan Jamal), where I have been spending far too much money on Java Chip and Green Tea Frappuccinos.

I popped by Wikipedia to check out how Singapore Idol is coming along. Sad to see that Malaque has been eliminated, but it wasn't much of a surprise- we're moving in to serious demographic support here, where your friends and supporters alone will not be able to make much of a dent when going head to head against a large community. Both Faizal Isa and Charles "Stitch" Wong have not once been in the bottom 3, and it's pretty obvious that they're going to be the final two contestants, courtesy of Malay and Chinese teenage girls respectively. Faizal will go on to win.

I was going to write a lot more but I just wasted a lot of time on YouTube watching SG Idol videos. Amused by MJ Kwok. Going to sleep now. So random.

binomial & poisson

2009-10-27T18:47:00.002+08:00

I went for my medical appointment at NUH today and found out that I have to go down again, on Jan 15th and Jan 28th. At this rate, it looks like I'm only going to enlist into NS in April or later. I will have about 3 months to myself, at least- which I swear will be the most productive months in my life so far. :)

When I get home later, I will be blogging about Barack Obama, the mother of all conspiracy theories, Superfreakonomics, global warming, optimism and human progress. Stay tuned. :P In the mean time, I'm heading to Starbucks for a drink and to study some statistics. See ya.

tired; drained; exhausted; spent

2009-10-26T22:27:00.004+08:00

Well it's not nearly as bad as it sounds, but I'm really astonishingly tired. I covered quite a bit of maths today with a change of approach. I dabbled in a little bit of functions, graphing techniques, AP/GP and mathematical induction. I figure that it makes more sense at this stage to try and salvage a few marks from every topic instead of trying to master one topic at a time- which takes too much time for too little gains. You could say I'm applying the 80/20 principle to good effect, for once.

To be consistent with that spirit, I've decided to take a quick moment to weed out the seemingly minor habits which end up devouring the bulk of my time. With regards to internet usage, I'm not going to allow myself online for more than an hour at a stretch- and all I will do is to check my Facebook, LiveJournal and GMail. I'm going to stay clear from YouTube, Wikipedia and all the awesome RSS feeds on my Google Reader. I will have a lot of fun catching up on all the web comics and blogs I've been following. (As I type this, I just chanced on a 30 minute video from the White House called It's Time To Deliver- I think I can make an exception here.) As you've probably already figured out by now, I am a very flexible person- and that's something where the cons are far more visible than the pros.

I'm heading for my medical check up at NUH tomorrow, I figure I'd bring a book to keep my mind occupied. I'm not sure whether I should bring along Superfreakonomics, which I've been wanting to read, or some History, Economics or Literature material to read up. I think I ought to play this one by ear, and I don't feel traumatized enough to want to take a break. So notes it will be.

Heh. Such discipline is very new to me. I can't help but to snigger at myself. Even I don't believe in me! Hahahaha. We'll see, man.

quick word

2009-10-26T13:54:00.004+08:00

First of all I want to say I am astounded by the amount of raw readership this is getting. I expected to get more hits from me discussing the Singaporean Government or Maria Ozawa, but it seems that the bulk of my daily hits are coming from random Singaporeans who directly come to this URL. I can never ignore a nice audience, so I want to say thank you for following me so far. I hope I've made some of you think about some things or look at things in a different way, and I hope you'll follow me back to my main blog after my A Levels are over.

Some nitty-gritty details- I have to head down to see a cardiologist at NUH Clinic H tomorrow at 1400 to verify my PES status. (and if I fail to comply I may be charged under Enlistment Act Section 33- so exciting!) The medical guys at CMPB decided that I might have Marfan's Syndrome (wikipedia that) because I'm unusually tall for a Singaporean, so I'm guessing I got to get a cardiologist to ensure that my heart won't fail in the middle of a route march. I'm pretty sure I'm fine- everything else points towards PES A. All I really want for my National Service is to be challenged during my National Service, and preferably not in the "test your personal fortitude by doing mindless grinding work" way because I'm getting enough of that right now.

With regards for my strategy for my studies- I've decided that I'm not going to let myself be more confident about my GP, History and Literature- subjects that I know I can get A's in, and stress myself less about my Economics- a subject I know I can do fairly well in when I put in the necessary effort. I'm going to devote all my time and energy now to saving my Mathematics, at least for the time being. I need to see some results to have some peace of mind.

I'm heading down to Siglap Starbucks again to study. These days, you'll find me either there or under Block 67 at Bedok South Avenue 3. Feel free to drop by and say hi. I'm a friendly chap.

Okay, less talk, more study! Ciao!

temporary paralysis

2009-10-26T00:25:00.004+08:00

The moment I wrote that as the title I immediately thought of that little device that Obadiah Stane used in Iron Man that could temporarily paralyze people for 15 minutes.

Anyway, I really haven't gotten any work done in the past 4 or 5 days. It's ridiculous. When I started this blog, I was thinking that I was going to be documenting how much I'm doing every single day for 80 consecutive days. What remains here is a testament to the weakness of my will and my absolute lack of discipline- yesterday I watched two movies at a friend's place (Let The Right One In is an absolutely awesome show that cannot be easily described) and ended up going to bed at 7am- and waking up at 4pm.

So today was productive, right? No. I went to Starbucks to study, but I ran into a group of friends who convinced me to play 2 hours of LAN- which we did. We played DotA and Left 4 Dead, both games which I haven't touched in months. We then ate dinner at McDonald's and went back to study... nope. We went to watch Liverpool beat Man Utd at a nearby coffeeshop. All I did today was about 3 or 4 questions on Vectors.

Above all that, I am starting to get edgy when I think about my other major commitment- Armchair Critic's EP Launch. For those of you who don't already know, I play in a band called Armchair Critic and we're about to release our debut EP (which is like a mini-album). We figured that we'd have to release it after our A Levels because me and my guitarist will be serving NS soon after and we'd probably lose a lot of our drive and steam if we had to wait until much later to get it done.

The problem? The EP still isn't completed. I am now concurrently trying to save my Maths from Absolute Fail AND trying to complete a mini-album that still needs quite a bit of work... and I'm not sure that I could accomplish one or the other in this given span of time, let alone both simultaneously.

I need to perform a miracle.

The realistic side of me tells me that I'm going to release an average EP that won't be that great, and that my A Level results will be alright but nothing to brag about. That bums me out. I don't want to be average. That's not how I live my life.

Before I pursue that thought further, I think it's best that I focus on getting some stuff done before I start to think about it.

Running this blog is a very strange experience because I am conscious that I am wasting my time, and my instinct tells me to stop blogging or stop thinking and all that because I should be getting work done instead. Then and again, if I used my time effectively, I should be able to do everything I want to and more. Forgive me if I'm being a little random and unrefined in my phrasing but I'm just throwing things out as they run through my mind.

I'm in a bit of a mess right now- I don't mean emotionally or psychologically or in a negative way, but I need to get to work... and I've been saying this how many times already?!

I know that in time, I will be able to go over this and sort things out- because I always can.

So I can do it later. See? That's me managing my time effectively. It can be done. Now to

translate it to the rest of my daily routine.

C'mon, Visa.

i can do better than this

2009-10-25T06:48:00.001+08:00

now is not the time to be making new friends

now is not the time to be doing movie marathons

now is not the time

i can do better than this

i can do better

i can

sweltering

2009-10-23T15:42:00.003+08:00

I realise one of the problems I have with keeping this blog afloat is that I always procrastinate getting to it. My typical online routine involves going on Facebook, stalking my friends' LiveJournals, checking my forums and covering some of the webcomics and news feeds on my Google Reader (which repopulates faster than I can read it).

So I figure that if I just make sure I write something every time I get on the internet, I will start to turn this into a more consistent habit, which means you can come back here more often without having that disappointed "Aw shucks, there's nothing new to read!" feeling. I hate that feeling, so I'm going to do my best to make sure you aren't subjected to it. (In my head, I was thinking "you don't kena". Singlish is so wonderfully succint sometimes!)

Malcolm Gladwell (Blink, Tipping Point, Outliers) has a new book out, and so do Levitt/Dubner (Freakonomics) and Tim Harford (The Undercover Economist). I am foaming at the mouth! Absolutely cannot wait to get my hands on them and devour them all from cover to cover in a single sitting, and then go through them again. I've already gotten the second two, now to get my hands on Gladwell's latest work. Mmm. I am such a nerd at heart.

In other news, it's a brutally hot day today.

i know i haven't been posting

2009-10-23T08:10:00.002+08:00

I feel so bad. I just got me some new books; Traffic by Tom Vanderbilt and Dear Undercover Economist, a collection of letters to economist Tim Harford in the Financial Times. They are awesome! I know I should be studying; but still!

I'm pretty confident of an A for History; my SEA history is strong and my International History is almost there. GP should be an easy A as well. I think I could do the same for Lit.

Which brings me to Maths and Econs. Econs isn't too bad- I think I'm at about a C standard and might be able to push for a B, or even possibly an A (not at the rate I'm working though).

My maths is still at Status Fail. Will have to fix that.

Ciao

3:18am

2009-10-16T03:21:00.002+08:00

I left my house at 9pm to study; and amazingly I really got quite a substantial amount of my Southeast-Asian History covered. I don't think I've ever sat down and gotten so much work covered in such a short period of time before (excluding rushing to meet deadlines; in which the work is often slipshod).

If I can sustain this, I might even surprise myself!

Goodnight!

self-determination is the aberration of the foundation of this degenerate nation

2009-10-16T02:59:00.003+08:00

24 days left to the A levels, which will define the past 13 years of my life as an unorthodox student & determine my legitimacy as a self-indulgent know-it-all for the next decade or so. Each day's consequence has an entire year's significance. How's that for a real-world application of chaos theory? I have rarely felt so alive or self-aware. I love it.

obvious

2009-10-15T20:06:00.002+08:00

My sleep cycle is slowly messing up again; I'm sleeping at 3am, going to school at 6, then falling asleep soon as i get home. The immune system is starting to get slightly affected. I'm going to nip this in the bud.

Today is history essay outlines day!

O_O TIME IS RUNNING OUT

2009-10-15T11:35:00.002+08:00

Did I say I was calm?!

>____>

Well, to be honest I still am rather calm, but I'm starting to get that sense of foreboding doom again. It seems to be directly related to the amount of effort I've been putting in- I feel more of it when I haven't been getting much done.

I'm going to quickly do a SEA history essay outline and meet my tutor for a consult! Byebye

25 days left

2009-10-14T15:42:00.002+08:00

I should be getting more frightened and pressured, but interestingly, I'm not. In fact I'm starting to feel more calm than I have in quite some time. I'm looking forward to catching Mr. Big when they come to town this weekend. I'm heading to town to buy clothes for Deepavali. Gotten started on my Maths!

seething.

2009-10-10T16:16:00.002+08:00

I have to do well for my A-Levels, more than ever, to prove a point to all the people who don't believe that I can do it.

hey guys!

2009-10-08T23:57:00.002+08:00

I haven't been blogging here for a while; and I am so, so touched to see that there are quite a few of you who actually are regular visitors who pop by every other day or so to see if I've updated. The thought of that alone is enough to get me back here to post again. If you guys would make yourself more visible by commenting or leaving tags, I would feel a lot more pressure to post more regularly! (hint hint)

The countdown meter at the left says it all; as I write this there are only 30 odd days left to what my society has heralded as the most important examinations of my life so far; something pivotal that would either catapult me to University, or leave me jaded and helpless about my future while serving my NS stint. (That's absolute tripe, of course. You can burn all my certificates and qualifications, and I will honestly relish the challenge.)

So what am I up to right now? I didn't study today, unfortunately. I really feel like singing right now (at 1:03am; have you ever felt that way?) so I'm going to pick up my guitar and sing.

Life is beautiful!

interesting moment

2009-10-07T12:31:00.002+08:00

So today I skipped maths lecture to eat a sandwich and read a book in the canteen. One of the teachers who I'm quite familiar with approached me and asked me why I wasn't in lecture. I said "Aiyah, never mind lah!" She half-smiled as she shooed me off to the lecture anyway, saying something about how it was the right thing to do.

It was an interesting moment. She's one of the nice teachers who obviously cares about the average student's well-being and academic performance. I wonder what really went through her mind? I don't think I come across as a trouble-maker or a problem-student. If anything, I imagine it would have been something along the lines of "I hope this joker is studying hard."

I would hate to disappoint her. She's a nice lady. History and Maths today!

rarh

2009-10-06T22:20:00.000+08:00

i know i haven't been posting in a while;

things are difficult

please bear with me

panic attack

2009-10-01T19:20:00.002+08:00

october already omg omg omg omg omg

omg

i shall commemorate the occasion by sorting out all my stuff by subject... and hopefully by topic

<40 days left- intensity begins.

2009-09-30T18:55:00.002+08:00

So we've reached the halfway point. With only 40 days left, I have absolutely no excuse whatsoever to put in anything less than 100%.

Indonesians love Maria Ozawa!

2009-09-29T16:35:00.007+08:00

Here's an interesting scenario- Indonesian filmmakers have been planning a film called Menculik Miyabi (Kidnapping Miyabi), which has been ruffling some conservative Muslim feathers.

For those of you who have been living under a rock, Maria Ozawa is an attractive 23-year old Canadian-Japanese AV star who has helped millions of adolescent boys go to sleep at night with a contented smile on their faces. She's expected to play herself in the film, as a kidnap victim. Some Ozawa fanboys might think that they've seen that one before, but in this one she's actually not going to take her clothes off.

According to Maxima Productions' (what a name) General Manager Adi Sudiadi, "Miyabi is well-known by Indonesian people... we're expecting that Miyabi will attract a lot of spectators here."

The Indonesian Council of Ulema (MUI) didn't take this very well. Chairman Amidhan slammed the choice of Ozawa as a threat to the moral health of the country's youth.

"Even if the film isn't porno, it's very dangerous for our young people, particularly if they become fans of this porn actress and become curious enough to watch her films," he said.

That's hilarious. First and foremost, it's pretty obvious than Indonesians are already masturbating furiously to Ozawa's videos (hopefully with the sound turned off, because like all Japanese AV stars, she sounds like an F1 car being sodomized by an elephant) if she's popular enough for a film to be expected to be profitable simply because her name's in the title. There's no escaping pornography, especially not in this day and age, and being in denial has never helped anybody achieve any agenda whatsoever.

Secondly and more importantly, what is wrong with becoming curious enough to watch a film? Being exposed to something does not tarnish your moral compass by itself, in fact it provides you with an opportunity to develop a more personal and informed view about how it relates to you. The MUI tacitly implies that the young Muslim community should be blindfolded and locked indoors whenever there is any threat to their "moral health", which is of course something that is decided by the religious leaders.

"We have to be firm and not let rubbish into our country. This is about Indonesia's reputation as the world's most populous Muslim country," he said.

This makes more sense to me. I would be pretty disheartened if it were true that Muslim leaders well and truly believe that Muslim youth do not watch porn. After all, a short visit to the home videos section thetend.com (NSFW) will reveal that Muslim youth (in Singapore, at least) MAKE more porn than both the Chinese and Indian youth combined! There are even group orgies and public lovemaking sessions. As any guy who's ever dated a Convent girl will tell you, the forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest and an oppressive system only makes you kinkier.

So what exactly is this whole "reputation as a populous Muslim country" about? After all, Indonesia is not actually an Islamic state- it has always been secular, especially considering the extremely diverse cultures and religions spread across its thousands of islands. If anything, I believe this is a safety precaution against backlash from more conservative Muslims elsewhere in the world. As any Muslim who has ever cheated on his fast during Ramadan will tell you, the most frightening thing is not the wrath of Allah, but to be caught red-handed by a fellow Muslim. On a serious note, do think for a moment about what that says about the state of morality and reason in our world today.

http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/world/filmmakers-defy-clerics-over-japanese-porn-stars-visit-20090928-g9az.html

Faisal Isa is the next Singapore Idol

2009-09-29T15:05:00.003+08:00

So I finally decided to check out the Singapore Idol Season 3 clips on YouTube, and I'd like to make a bold prediction. FAIZAL ISA will win Singapore Idol 3.

Why do I say this? It's glaringly obvious that the 3rd Singapore Idol will, following in the footsteps of Taufik Batisah and Hady Mirza, also be a Malay male. There are two simple reasons for this- female teenagers, and Malay solidarity. The Malay community in Singapore is by far the strongest and most tight-knit, and will definitely spend much more time and money to vote for one of their own. I'm guessing a good 80% of the votes come from 20% of the voters, which pretty much sums up the Malay teenage-girl phenomenon.

Of course, Faizal isn't going to win simply because he's a Malay guy. He's got the looks, he's got the charisma, and most importantly, he already looks like Idol material. When I first saw him, I thought he was a Jason Mraz wannabe because he was singing a Jason Mraz song and wearing that trademark Jason Mraz hat. But he impressed me with his growth as a performer, which clearly suggests that he knows what he wants and what he has to do to reach that dream. Granted, I could be cynical and say that he's simply getting out of one cliché mold and jumping into another, but that would be undermining the amount of effort and dedication it takes. Besides, he's a young kid and has a lot of room to grow.

My previous bet was on Farhan Shah, but he simply doesn't seem as strong a contestant as Faizal. He certainly has the looks, but doesn't quite seem talented enough in comparison. If he has an intelligent, marketing mind, he could be the next Paul Twohill- (who gets to do all sorts of fun kinky stuff with Kay Kay in Chick Vs. Dick, that lucky bastard.)

Of the three Malay guys in the competition, Sezairi Sezali is by far the most musically and vocally talented. I know him as a hardworking fellow who has earned his stripes in the local music scene with the band Juxtapose. He's a seasoned performer, which should earn you credit- but we've seen how much help that was to Syltra Lee. He's also got interesting, diverse and refined tastes- but I don't think that will help him very much either. I imagine the Singapore Idol experience is going to be good exposure for him and his music though, and I'm betting he'll stay around for a long time because he's an interesting character. Album sales will be good for you, Sezairi!

Dark Horses:

Charles "Stitch" Wong will be around much longer than any of us expect him to be. The smart thing to do would be not to overdo the beatboxing and the guitar-playing all at once. Regardless, he will likely win the Ah Lian votes and I wouldn't be surprised if he were the Idol Runner-Up like Sylvester Sim or Jonathan Leong. He could then go on to have a decent career in the Mandarin music scene, perhaps.

Duane Ho is a solid vocalist, and has the cute-lovable-teddy-bear image going for him. Unfortunately, he's a novelty character. He will definitely be shed before the end, but how long he can stay depends on the strength of his fanbase. He may go pretty far, but he will not make it to the final four.

Got Chance:

Nurul Huda is a very strong contestant- she has good vocals, and is a very comfortable performer. She has style and pizazz and will go quite a distance. I'm looking forward to seeing her next few performances. I'm guessing she might make it to Final 4.

I would love for Malaque to go all the way and win it; then I can proudly say that I lost TPJC Songfest to the girl who would go on to become Singapore Idol! She's a wonderful personality and extremely lovable with great pipes to boot (and she's looking more ooh-la-la than ever), but I'm guessing that she won't go as far as she deserves to. She has my support.

Sylvia Ratonel BOOMS! She's attractive and has star quality! She will no doubt go on to become a local celebrity, and we will see her acting in local shows and hosting local events. FHM will be knocking on her door pretty soon. I will buy that issue. She doesn't need Idol to become big in her own right.

Fathin Amira reminds me a little bit of both Rahimah Rahim and Olinda Cho- she has spunk and attitude, and really channels the emotion of the song. Her rendition of Hurt, while a little pitchy, was really emotive and strong! She will stick around for some time.

Bye Bye:

Syltra Lee is a great performer and she went home too early. I hope the exposure was good for her and that she'll continue to pursue success in her own way, because she's definitely a hard-working performer.

Tabitha Nauser has the vocal chops. She's cute and exudes a fun personality. It's sad and unfortunate, but we will lose her much earlier than she deserves. She will lose the "vote-for-the-hot-girl" votes to Sylvia, and the "fun personality" votes to Fathin and Malaque.

Mae Sta Maria is pretty and has some attitude, but she will not go much further because of her age and her race, unless she does something amazing next time round. She will be quite easily forgotten, and doesn't come across as particularly ambitious.

learning in the most unusual places

2009-09-24T14:55:00.004+08:00

One of the biggest scares perpetuated by my friends is that our ability to think will be worn down by the abysmal drudgery that National Service is supposedly going to be. While that argument does make sense to a certain degree and I have noticed some of my more intelligent friends coming down with bad cases of existentialist crises or the Stupids upon enlisting, I am pretty confident that this can be averted by being adaptable. (Enter old Chinese philosopher stroking his beard- "Be flexible like water, not stiff like board...")

While I'm currently rediscovering the intellectual joy that is to be found in books (having been misled by the bright and shiny lights of the interwebs), I must continue to acknowledge that some of the greatest things that I've learnt were all from experiences that might strike others as dull or monotonous. Let me share some of these lessons with you.

***

Like the average poker player does, I liked to think that I was above average. I was doing rather well on Facebook's Texas Hold'Em Application, and I watched videos of the pros on YouTube and knew quite a few of them by name. When some friends in the local music scene invited me to play poker with them at one of their homes, I jumped at the chance, thinking I'd make a quick buck. I was so, so wrong.

I was playing fairly well, I thought. I'd won a couple of hands, and stayed out of many bad ones. I was disciplined and cool-headed. The game took a massive turn for me when I was committed to the pot with a Full House, and my opponent went all-in with more than my entire chip stack. Normally, under any circumstances, I would have played that hand- but I was convinced that the other guy had 4-of-a-kind (a highly improbable hand, only beaten by a straight flush- the rarest of them all). He didn't. At that point in time, I was absolutely, thoroughly convinced- but he told me afterwards how he had read me like a book and led me, like a lamb, into doing exactly what he wanted me to do. It was a very powerful learning experience, and something I will never forget. Two hands after that, I would lose all my money going aggressively all in with a good hand against a better hand, and when I bought in again after that, I lost my entire second buy-in going all-in with a very good hand against an even better hand. I lost about $20-30 that day, and at the highest point I stood to win $60+. It isn't a lot of money, to be honest, but the realization of just how vulnerable I actually was beyond my comfort zone was priceless.

***

I used to work at Shangri-La Hotel as manual labour; I was one of the Banquet staff. There were loads and loads of part-timers, some much more regular than others. I could have (and should have) had an entire blog detailing the various experiences I had working there. There were so many lessons I had learnt. One thing that stands out for me was the friendship I had with a bartender. He was a short, fit Chinese guy- the sort of respectable old school 'Ah Beng', who reminded me of "Andrew" from "Growing Up". He had neat but somewhat long hair, and crude tattooes all over his hands, knuckles and neck... I imagine his whole body must have been covered with them. He was well mannered and honourable, and very, very likable. I would talk to him and eat lunch with him. He would never say much, but he clearly approved of my company and would wait for me when we had meals or smoke breaks. Once, this fat, slobbering and very annoying new part-timer barged in to join us at lunch without having been invited. He burped, laughed loudly and made a hell of a mess. Ah Beng snapped at him- "Study so far still behave like this!" The pig-boy snorted and said "ITE not very far what!", upon which Ah Beng revealed that he was a primary school dropout.

There came a time when me and Ah Beng and the rest of the fellas had been working together for some time and gotten used to each other, amidst the cyclic nature of the other part-timers. Once, me and Ah Beng were smoking when we managed to catch a breather between carrying tonnes of heavy stuff back and forth from the ballrooms to the storerooms. I was down to my last cigarette, and was smoking it right to the filter. Ah Beng slapped it out of my hand. "Don't smoke until that part lah, bad for you!". He then reached into his own pack and gave me two cigarettes and told me it was on him, and that I could repay the favour if he ever was in a pinch. That day, Ah Beng taught me more about generosity than any educated person I have ever met. To this day, I still have more respect for Ah Beng than many of my peers in Junior College and University. I still hope to bump into him some day so I can buy him a pack of cigarettes.

***

burning platform

2009-09-24T13:05:00.002+08:00

Time is flying past really really fast and the fear is slowly starting to set in.

I got 58.5 for my GP, which is a C. I was stunned. I was expecting an A or B. I got 34 for my essay and 24.5 for my comprehension (which was characterized by a 1.5/8 for my summary). I was stunned, honestly. I left the paper feeling good about it. I secretly want to hold both the paper and the markers in contempt, but I will learn nothing from that. I am still confident of getting an A for GP at the A Levels. I must. It will shake the foundations of my identity if I do not. Then and again, that might go on to make me a better person, but I am not going to let my "in the big picture, in the long run, nothing is a big deal" nonsense deter me from doing what must be done.

I got a 63 for my Southeast Asian History, which is a B. I didn't do my International History paper so I'll get a 0 for that, but I'll be taking the paper tomorrow for practice's sake and I desperately want to score an A or B. I need that element of security, to know that I can confidently and easily score for at least one of the papers.

Physically, I've just been feeling so bloody lethargic. I still cough up phlegm from time to time, suggesting that my lungs haven't completely cleaned themselves out. My metabolism is definitely slowing down- I feel terribly cold everywhere I go, and I'm still eating far less than I should. Above all, I miss feeling physically powerful. The feeling like you can just do anything. That's it, I'm going to hit the gym today. I'm pretty sure it'll help me get my appetite up and lethargy down again.

If there's anything about me that's truly respectable, it's that you can never keep me down.

lots of stuff on my mind

2009-09-22T19:05:00.000+08:00

meeting friends for dinner, update later!

Books To Read

2009-09-21T00:03:00.008+08:00

Mythology/Epics/Legends:

The Mahabaratha

The Ramayana

Homer's Odessey

Homer's Illiad

The Bible

Oedipus

Ulysses

Epic of Gilgamesh

King Arthur & tKoTR

Romance Of The Three Kingdoms

Philosophy:

Phaedo, Plato

Organan, Aristotle

Summa Theologica, Thomas Aquinas

Meditations, Rene Decartes

An Essay Concerning Human Understanding, John Locke

Critique of Pure Reason, Immanuel Kant

Science of Logic, Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel

Being and Nothingness, Jean-Paul Sartre

Language, Truth, and Logic, A.J. Ayer

Philosophical Investigations, Ludwig Wittgenstein

Derek Parfit, Reasons and Persons

Frank Jackson, From Metaphysics to Ethics : A Defence of Conceptual Analysis

Saul Kripke, Naming and Necessity

Dave Chalmers, The Conscious Mind : In Search of a Fundamental Theory

David Lewis, On the Plurality of Worlds

Michael Smith, The Moral Problem

J.S. Mill's On Liberty

Dennett's Consciousness Explained

"The Birth Of Tragedy" by Nietzsche

The Essence of Christianity by Ludwig Feurbach

The God Delusion, Richard Dawkins

The Blind Watchmaker, Richard Dawkins

Biographies:

Mien Kampf (Hitler)

Third World to First (Lee Kuan Yew)

No Easy Walk To Freedom (Mandela)

Audacity of Hope (Obama)

Slash

Scar Tissue (Anthony Kiedis)

Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, an American Slave

Randy Pausch- The Last Lecture

Richard Branson - Losing My Virginity

The Secret Life of Houdini: The Making of America's First Superhero by Kalush and Sloman

"My Experiments with truth" - Gandhi

Kurt Vonnegut - Fate Worse Than Death

Clapton: The Autobiography by Eric Clapton

Motley Crue: The Dirt - Confessions of the World's Most Notorious Rock Band

Sociology/Economics:

The Death and Life of Great American Cities - Jane Jacobs

The Economy of Cities - Jane Jacobs

Cities and the Wealth of Nations - Jane Jacobs

Systems of Survival - Jane Jacobs

The Nature of Economies - Jane Jacobs

Dark Age Ahead - Jane Jacobs

Tipping Point - Malcolm Gladwell

Blink - Malcolm Gladwell

Outliers - Malcolm Gladwell

"The Wisdom of Insecurity", by Alan W. Watts

Sway

Logic Of Life - Tim Harford

The Undercover Economist - Tim Harford

More Sex, Safer Sex

Freakonomics - Steven Levitt

Supercapitalism: The Transformation of Business, Democracy, and Everyday Life - Robert Reich

The End of Poverty: Economic Possibilities for Our Time - Jeffrey Sachs

Common Wealth: Economics for a Crowded Planet - Jeffrey Sachs

No Logo - Naomi Klein

The Shock Doctrine - Naomi Klein

Das Kapital

The Communist Manifesto

The Wealth of Nations by Adam Smith

History/Political Science:

Sun Tzu's The Art Of War

Team of Rivals

Men In White (PAP)

Lee Kuan Yew's Memoirs

The Malay Dilemma (Mahatir)

New Asian Hemisphere (Kishore Mahbubani)

Social Theory of International Politics by Alexander Wendt

Bowling Alone : The Collapse and Revival of American Community by Robert D. Putnam

The Clash of Civilizations and the Remaking of World Order by Samuel P. Huntington

The Post-American World - Fareed Zakaria

The Future Of Freedom - Fareed Zakaria

The End of History and the Last Man - Francis Fukuyama

Imagined Communities: Reflections on the Origin and Spread of Nationalism - Benedict Anderson

The World Is Flat - Thomas Friedman

Sciencey Stuff:

"Ideas & Opinions," by Albert Einstein

"A Brief History of Time," by Stephen Hawking

Darwin's The Origin of Species

The Selfish Gene - Dawkins

The Myth of Monogamy: Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People (2002), by David Barash and Judith Lipton.

The Science of Orgasm (2006), by Barry Komisauruk, Carlos Beyer-Flores, and Beverly Whipple

How to Survive a Robot Uprising (2005), by Daniel H. Wilson.

Evolution's Rainbow: Why Darwin Was Wrong About Sexual Selection (2004), by Joan Roughgarden.

Why Things Break (2003), by Mark Eberhart.

How the Universe Got Its Spots (2002), by Janna Levin.

A User's Guide to the Brain (2002), by John Ratey.

The Code Book: The Science of Secrecy from Ancient Egypt to Quantum Cryptography (2000), by Simon Singh

The Elegant Universe (2000), by Brian Greene

Guns, Germs, and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies (1999), by Jared Diamond

Six Easy Pieces: Essentials of Physics

Explained by its Most Brilliant Teacher (1995), by Richard P. Feynman

The Coming Plague: Newly Emerging Diseases in a World Out of Balance (1995), by Laurie Garrett.

Cosmos (1985), by Carl Sagan.

Godel, Escher, Bach (1979), by Douglas Hofstadter

Animal Liberation (1975), by Peter Singer.

Male and Female (1949), by Margaret Mead.

The Well: A Story of Love, Death, and Real Life in the Seminal Online Community (2001), by Katie Hafner.

Illegal Beings: Human Clones and the Law (2005), by Kerry MacIntosh.

Shakespeare:

Romeo & Juliet

The Merchant of Venice

Othello

Macbeth

Hamlet

King Lear

A Midsummer's Night Dream

Literature:

Crime & Punishment

Man In The Iron Mask

Hunchback of Notre Dame

The Count of Monte Cristo

Les Miserables

Phantom of the Opera

Anna Karenina

War & Peace

Great Expectations

Oliver Twist

Pride & Prejudice

The Pearl

For Whom The Bell Tolls

The Old Man & The Sea

Animal Farm

Sophie's World

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Tom Sawyer & Huckleberry Finn

Death of a Salesman

Lord Of The Flies

Frankenstein

Chekov's stories

Moby Dick

The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery

The Andromeda Strain by Michael Crichton

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe

Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck

East of Eden by John Steinbeck

The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck

Dracula by Bram Stoker

Lolita

The Great Gatsby

Catch-22

Crime & Punishment

To Kill A Mockingbird

Middlemarch

The Catcher in the Rye

Alice in Wonderland

Dr. Jekyl & Mr. Hyde

Gulliver's Travels

The Stand (Stephen King)

The Postman Always Rings Twice

Madame Bovary

Anatomy of Melancholy

The Satanic Verses

Charlotte's Web

Wrinkle In Time

Friedrich

The Handmaid's Tale

The Time-Traveller's Wife

Sum of All Fears

Foundation by Isaac Asimov

Gone With The Wind

Religion & The Rise of Capitalism

The Chocolate War

Beyond The Chocolate War

Fight Club

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

His Dark Materials Trilogy

The Lord Of The Rings

The Earthsea Series by Ursula Le Guin

The Time Machine by HG Wells

The War of the Worlds by HG Wells

The Chrisalids

- Brave New World

- 1984

~~- Fahrenheit 451~~

- Utopia, by Thomas Moore

Of Mice And Men

The Prince (Machiavelli)

The Discourse

Dracula

"Slaughterhouse Five," by Kurt Vonnegut

Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut

Atlas Shrugged

A Clockwork Orange

The Last Of The Mohicans

The Call Of The Wild

Flatland

Uncle Tom's Cabin

Don Quixote

Jane Eyre

Comics/Graphic Novels:

V for Vendetta

The Watchmen

Neil Gaiman's Sandman

why do this?

2009-09-19T18:58:00.000+08:00

Studying! Finally! :) I'm going to do economics today.

It is so hard for me to study the mundane things that I have to apply in school when there is so much MORE applicable and powerful knowledge to be learnt, and concepts with so much more weight to think about. I really do appreciate all that I've learnt about demand, supply, elasticity concepts, market failure, government intervention and especially free trade (I think that everybody should be taught to understand how free trade works), but I really don't see why I have to learn and memorize all the nitty-gritty details that everybody's going to forget a month after the examinations. We've learnt what is important, and we can always re-learn the details at any time if we ever actually need to apply the concepts ourselves.

My mind is screaming with a hunger to devour books and more books about concepts and thoughts about philosophy, culture, political science. I'd like to learn some of the finer points of physics and biology that I am unclear about. When I was a kid I was obsessed with geography, about volcanoes and earthquakes and stuff like that. Now I'm fascinated by ideas of cultural psyche, tipping points, personality types, psychology, philosophy and with generally understanding how and why things are the way they are and people act the way they do under various circumstances- at a larger, deeper and more holistic level than the assumption-riddled concepts of simple economics as defined by the A level syllabus. I enjoy Literature substantially and wish I had taken it at a H2 level. While I don't see the direct relevance of A level Mathematics to my life at the moment, I do accept that I have to prove to the world that I am capable of vanquishing it before I am allowed to disregard it.

That really pretty much sums up my attitude towards my A Levels altogether. It's turning out to be nothing more than means to an end. I must continue the fight in spite of the shoddy reasoning. What can I do? It's really a small price to pay for all that I have stood to benefit from in the past and stand to benefit from in the future.

a taste of Straits Times editing

2009-09-19T17:22:00.003+08:00

I had submitted my post (http://alevelsin80days.blogspot.com/2009/09/misleading-statistics-in-parliament.html) to the Straits Times Forum, and to my pleasant surprise they actually called me up to confirm that I had sent it, and put it in print the next day (Saturday, 19th September).

While I am honoured and thankful that they actually were willing to publish it, I am a little bit disappointed with how they chose to edit it. They rephrased and summarized it effectively, but they also toned down my point that the statistics were misleading.

What does this tell us? I must respect the local press for doing their job to maximise the dissemination of information while minimising judgement and opinion. I feel that this speaks volumes about our national culture. It's clearly not yet in our national interest to encourage open criticism of our government. I wonder what would be the reasoning for this? Perhaps our country is not mature enough or ready for such intellectual discourse; I could relate to such a perspective. It would likely degenerate into name-calling and what-have-you. This describes the unique 'chicken or egg' scenario that we're in, where Singaporeans are generally not ready to be critical thinkers, so we're denied anything which would require us to think critically.

I wonder what they would have said if I had written such a criticism about something which an Opposition leader had said?

Regardless, it is clearer than ever now, to me, that we cannot rely on our government or our press to make our country a better place to live in. It's really up to each and every one of us to make the effort to collectively influence the psyche and be the change that we want to see.

51 days left.

2009-09-19T02:31:00.001+08:00

Today, I conquered Permutations and Combinations.

Not much else, but it's a start.

lol

2009-09-18T10:39:00.000+08:00

I realise that there is a possibility that some of my teachers from TPJC might be reading this! Hi guys! I am studying very hard now, okay! :D

52: bruised

2009-09-18T10:20:00.002+08:00

It all began when I bruised my rib when falling square on my back while crowdsurfing at Anberlin's Baybeats set. I hadn't been eating or sleeping for some time before that, so my immune system was weakened substantially. The bruised rib led to a lung infection and moderate pneumonia, which struck right in the middle of my A Level Prelims. I missed my Economics Case Study paper, which demoralized me because I was going to get a zero for something which I considered to be one of my strong points.

When recovering, I ran after a bus at some point and tripped over a rope I hadn't seen. I badly lacerated my chin and sprained my knee, and in the midst of the fiasco I lost the part of my handphone which connects to my headphones, cutting me off from the music that often kept in high spirits.

Having lost sense of time because I practically bedridden, I didn't realise the date of my History Paper 2 was nearing until the morning of the paper. While it is arguably my strongest subject, I wasn't able to prepare for it as much as I would have liked, and didn't write as well as I had hoped. This would get much worse when I missed my History Paper 1 entirely out of sheer negligence.

My mathematics skills are terribly infantile and undeveloped for this stage, not because I lack the ability but because I have been avoiding the topic since Secondary 2. I sat through 3 agonizing hours of twiddling my thumbs during my Mathematics Paper 1 and resolved to catch up on 5-6 years of inactivity in 50 days to prepare for my A levels. I skipped my Paper 2 simply because I didn't want to sit through it after messing up my Prelims so badly.

I got penalized during my Literature paper (which I underperformed in because of poor time management skills- a problem which also plagued my Economics Paper 2) for having a goatee. I hadn't shaved because I was afraid I'd open up the lacerations on my chin, which bled continuously for about 3 days after the initial fall. I didn't contest this, perhaps because I was simply too tired to care anymore. I had also forgotten to write my question number for my GP paper 1, which will cost me 2-5 marks and possibly the A which I am expecting.

It should be clear by now that I am physically weakened, mentally and emotionally quite drained. I have made inexcusable mistakes that are both juvenile and amateur. I am going to recieve horrible grades for my Prelims, having lost out on major components of every single one of my H2 subjects. I'm anticipating a UUUBC, with B for GP and C for Literature. That's so sad, it's actually quite funny.

I have decided that I am done grieving and feeling sorry for myself, and I am going to fight now, to the bittersweet end.

56 days left: double-trouble

2009-09-16T01:25:00.003+08:00

Nice to see that the statistics entry got some real responses. Remember people, always keep your eyes open and always question what you are told.

I was up until 3-4am yesterday and the lack of sleep definitely took a toll on me. I was sleepy on the way to school and sleepy in school itself, and definitely was not able to focus on my Economics Paper 2 as much as I should have been able to. I also did not revise for it. I'm happy to say that I can still answer the questions. I found my 2007 JC1 promotional paper the other day and I had scrawled crazy things all over the question paper. I was completely stupefied then, and I can sort of remember that feeling a little bit. I dare say that I will pass this time, but of course it's nowhere near the standard that I expect of myself. As a result, I couldn't help feeling like I was making a mockery of the whole prelim process- because to me, this is about me pushing my own limits, and in that respect I am barely trying, let alone failing. Failing isn't so bad.

Literature was okay. My brain and my hand were both working slower than they normally would, probably as a result of the general fatigue that still hasn't quite lifted. As a result, I suffered from time management problems (which, on retrospect, also affected my economics paper). I had to do 3 essays, I started with Great Expectations (which is my weakest), then moved on to Othello, then to unseen poetry, which is usually my strongest. The unseen poems were ridiculously ambiguous, and I was floored. I'm pretty sure that everyone else was as well. I googled them and they're still pretty bland and ambiguous. I think I just had gotten into a panicky state of mind by then (because I had exceeded the time that I game myself).

Examinations require mental discipline, but they never really teach you how to acquire it in school. They just sort of expect you to get it yourself. I think most people assume that if you've gotten this far, you must already have it. But some of us never had any, and never learned how...

Misleading Statistics in Parliament

2009-09-15T12:17:00.002+08:00

I refer to Tuesday's Parliament Shorts on September 15th in the Straits Times Home Section, page B7 (Most top-scoring students live in HDB flats) and I must say that it is rather misleading- at first glance, one might be inclined to think that students who live in HDB flats are outperforming those who live in private housing. However, after taking a closer look at the statistics, it is clear that this is not the case.

The statistics given in the short are as follows:

About 82% of Singaporeans live in public housing.
More than 60% of top 10% scorers in the PSLE live in HDB flats.
More than 50% of Secondary 1 students enrolled in Intergrated Programme (IP) schools live in HDB flats.

Let's turn the charts upside down and look at it more critically. While only 18% of Singaporeans live in private housing, they account for almost 40% of top 10% PSLE scores and more than 40% of IP school enrollment. Let's not deny the obvious, which is that Singaporeans who can afford to live in private housing do end up in better schools. I would not be too hasty in attempting to explain this phenomenon. Perhaps they are brought up with a stronger thirst for success than the average Singaporean living in a HDB flat, or perhaps they can afford costly private tuition. It is most likely due to a mix of a wide range of reasons. Regardless, the numbers cannot and do not lie- being able to afford private housing gives students a statistical edge over the average Singaporean HDB dweller.

-Visakan Veerasamy

10 things I plan to do after my A Levels (part 1)

2009-09-14T22:52:00.002+08:00

10: Buff up

I've been a skinny beanpole pretty much my entire life; with the exception maybe of a couple of years in primary school where I was a skinny beanpole with a potbelly thanks to a daily filet-o-fish fixation. My legs especially have always been obscenely skinny, more than convention would deem to be socially acceptable. As a public service, I intend to beef up my chicken-legs and general chopstick body. I hope to put on 5-10kg after my A's, and I plan to be very rigorous and steadfast in my bulking diet.

9: Catch up with old friends

Hasn't life gotten pretty crazy these past few years? So many new faces, new stories, sagas, dilemmas, the drama and the sagas. When the dust clears and the world stops spinning, it's always great to have familiar faces to return to and trustworthy shoulders to lean on. Sometimes we get so swept up that we end up unintentionally distancing ourselves from the people who are the points of stability in our lives, and I think it's important that we always know the road home. After all, no matter how much you've feel like you've traveled, you haven't gone anywhere if you don't have a frame of reference (*winks at the theoretical physicists*).

8: Get physically 'in-tune'

This is not the same as putting on weight. A while ago I wrote an entry about how I believe that improving your linguistic abilities would actually allows you to express thoughts and emotions you may not have been otherwise able to properly experience or understand. This is parallel to that, akin to a sort of physical manifestation of the same idea. Fitness junkies know something that the average person don't, and that is being in tune with your own body is one of the most awesome experiences of being alive. I've gotten close to those moments before, of being well and truly in control of your body. I want to learn to dance, I want to cycle, play basketball, maybe even football (which I'm notoriously bad at). To break out into a warm sweat, to feel your muscles and joints warmed up, your heart pumping, the sweetness as oxygen fills your lungs.

7: Draw

I've always had a secret fascination and obsession with drawing; particularly pencil and ink mediums. Since I was a kid I used to obsess about trying to draw manga characters (and failed miserably at it). At first it was probably just a bit of a temporary anime fixation. I want to be able to draw what I see in front of me, like friends or locations. More than that, I want to be able to draw things that I visualise or imagine, and visually recreate the images I see in my head. I want to be able to doodle ideas easily and have coherent structure.

To Be Continued!

57 days left: mathematics massacre

2009-09-14T13:38:00.003+08:00

Today was my Mathematics Paper 1 for my Prelims, and it was exactly as I had expected to be- me, 11 questions that I completely didn't know how to do, 3 of the longest hours of my life. There are few places lonelier than a crowded exam hall full of people writing when you're absolutely clueless.

The funny thing is I can still remember how it used to feel on the opposite end of the spectrum, when I was in Primary School and acing everything. I miss that feeling.

Anyway, off to study Econs and Lit for my papers tomorrow. Two papers in one day. Meh. Some productivity should ease the doldrums. I'm off to study at Siglap Starbucks, say hi if you see me!

58 days left.

2009-09-13T20:37:00.005+08:00

Today was a completely unproductive day, and I think I can blame it on a few things, ranging from yesterday to tomorrow.

Yesterday I woke up pretty I went to play an acoustic set at a flea market at Crawlspace, which is a little tiny gig venue behind Straits Records at Arab Street/Haji Lane. (For those of you who don't know, I play in indie/pop-rock band Armchair Critic.) Our drummer Boon was stuck in camp and we hadn't rehearsed in months anyway, so me and my guitarist RG went down to improvise a few acoustic songs. When we reached the venue, we found that it was a small, cramped venue with heavy screamo and hardcore bands playing. It was all too familiar for us, and it felt like old times.

It's pretty cool that our name is still recognizable on posters. We're no Electrico or Great Spy Experiment, but it's still pretty pleasant. :)

I then went to meet my girlfriend, who had broken her sandal and was understandably in a bit of a bad mood. The weather was ridiculously, mind-meltingly hot, which got me in a rather irritable mood as well. Still, it was good to see each other, and I followed her around as she went around Tampines looking for shoes. I try my best to understand how women's minds work when it comes to shoes, and while I think I might have made some progress, there are certain contradictions within their rules that my poor male mind cannot logically dissect.

We then went to meet more friends for dinner, after which the girlfriend went home and the rest of us spent hours indulging in a game of Risk. I was initially an enthusiast of Risk, but not any more. It takes up far too much time and effort, is only moderately entertaining, doesn't provide much intellectual stimulation and is ultimately far too dependent on the roll of the dice. Give me poker, chess or even chinese checkers for some intelligent fun any day. I went home late, exhausted and generally burnt out.

*

Today was a completely unproductive day. In terms of studying, technically yesterday was too, but today was one of those absolutely wasted forgotten days that you just draw a big X across. Which is bad, because I'm really running out of days now. I woke up moderately early but lingered in bed until past noon, after which I attempted to touch my books but simply couldn't, and spent the day on Facebook and YouTube and what-have-you. The reason, I feel, is because of my ridiculous position- tomorrow is my Maths Paper 1, and I am completely unprepared.

Let me tell you honestly that when I tell you that I am unprepared, I am honest. I do not know how integration works, I never even bothered to learn them in secondary school and preferred to spend maths lessons napping. (I got an A1 for E-Maths and a C5 for A-Maths, for those of you who are curious). I don't know how vectors work; I vaguely remember a simplified version of them in secondary school but that's it. I am going to be spending 3 hours in an examination hall full of students, and I am going to be twiddling my thumbs, doodling, napping and doing some serious soul-searching if I can get into the vibe. I am seriously that unprepared for maths, and it the ridiculousness of it all hits me so strongly that I can't even spend today studying International History, Economics or Literature, which are my other papers. (Incidentally, I still do not even own a copy of Great Expectations, which is my Literature text.)

I'm not trying to "boast" or "show off" my miserable position. I'm really quite disgusted with myself, and I have to come to terms with the fact that the disgust is so strong that I've developed a sort of indifference to myself. This is an interesting concept that I've never actually considered before. If you hate somebody, you obviously still give a damn about them for some reason such that you bother to take the trouble to think about them and put together a coordinated response. The worst thing you can do to someone is not to hate them, but to be completely indifferent to them, because that's when things are so bad you feel like it's not even worth your trouble anymore.

I need to prove to myself that I am worth the effort, because if I give up on myself then all is lost.

That said, life is still good. Things cannot stay down for so long! I am an optimist at heart. I realise that there are some interesting philosophical implications of my present situation, but I really don't have the time or energy to be concerned about them right at this moment. Normally I would not forgive myself for that, but right now I have more pressing concerns.

Routine, Visa. Routine, routine, routine. Get into one.

59 days left.

2009-09-12T13:43:00.002+08:00

I like how so many of you guys visiting every day are not from Singapore! I guess the struggle is universal, huh. I'll try to keep that in mind and consciously explain terms that you guys might not be as familiar with. See, I'm nice! The least you can do is to say something on the tag-board :D

The weather today is miserably hot. I woke up early this morning and went to the gym, where I broke into a nice healthy sweat for the first time in nearly two weeks (I was sick, obviously. Don't judge me!)

Yesterday was my History Paper 2 for my Prelims, which is supposed to be a dry-run for the actual A levels themselves. It consists of a source-based essay and 3 normal essays to be chosen from 5 questions. I wasn't nearly as prepared as I could or should have been, but I was still fairly comfortable because it's probably my best subject right now. Continue when I get home, going out for a gig~

60 days left

2009-09-11T02:41:00.000+08:00

uh i was studying econs today and i just realised that i have a history paper 2 tomorrow

lololol

i are dum dum

62 (?!) days left:

2009-09-09T12:53:00.001+08:00

I have not been studying at all. I have been injured, sick, injured again, exhausted both mentally and physically. I feel an immense pressure and a nagging feeling at the back of my neck. I'm going to go do some economics revision now. I promise to share more once I have done enough work to warrant the diversion.

Cheers and thanks for sticking around (all you ninja lurkers, you!)

67 days left: STILL SICK.

2009-09-05T15:00:00.001+08:00

Even worse today. Stuck in bed all day and night. Can't breathe, can't think. Head aches. Eyes burn. Hate it. Feel like one of those druggies shivering in the corner.

68 days left: SICK.

2009-09-03T12:05:00.001+08:00

Very very sick. 38.9 degree fever. Had to miss my Economics Paper 1 (case study), which I was actually looking forward to. I'm going to get a zero for it even though I have an MC, because that's just the way things work around here.

Sigh.

69 days left.

2009-09-02T19:48:00.002+08:00

GP was okay. I forgot to write in my question number for my essay; which will have me lose 2-5 marks. 13 years in this education system and I still make silly mistakes like that. I think I wrote a good essay and did a decent comprehension. I wrote my essay on "Who has more power; the politician or the scientist?" I thought most of the questions were crap anyway.

Economics case study tomorrow. Not feeling well enough to study for it. Goodnight.

70 days left.

2009-09-02T01:45:00.002+08:00

Sick with a fever. First Prelim paper in 6 hours 15 minutes.

71 days left.

2009-09-01T04:38:00.000+08:00

Tired out for no reason. Slept all day. Had some fruitful history revision on religious fundamentalism.

baybeats 2009 review

2009-08-31T11:47:00.007+08:00

Courtesy of Shiro Ang

As a musician and a music fan, I absolutely had to head down to Baybeats to check out the local and foreign acts no matter what, and I figured I might as well share my thoughts in case any of you might be interested.

I first went on Friday. Unfortunately, I missed West Grand Boulevard; but I'm pretty sure they played a kickass set as they always do. Would have been quite curious to hear how their newer stuff would sound like now, though I've always been a fan of their older classics.

Next band I caught was Calerway, which was an Australian band. They weren't particularly remarkable in the "OMG THAT'S AWESOME!!" sort of way, but they were really really tight and their musicianship was impeccable. I was particularly won over by the lead singer's vocal control- he sounded live as he would have sounded on record. Having played on the Esplanade Powerhouse stage before, I can assure you that it is blazingly hot and doesn't particularly make life easy for any musician (although the sound monitoring is a dream- but that's another story for another day...)

I then went over to the concourse to check out Weiwen Seah, better known as For This Cycle. Weiwen is an incredible kid- he's young, hardworking, talented and really nice. In place of where one would expect a throbbing ego to be, is a rather endearing shyness which has clearly won over many adoring fangirls (who chope their seats in front of their idol immediately after the previous set). I really enjoy Weiwen's music and look forward to watching him grow as an artiste and musician. His guitar work is solid, his vocal style is unique and recognizable, and his songwriting avoids the cliché route. If he markets himself properly, my money is on him being well on his way to becoming a local music icon.

The highlight of the night, was of course, The Great Spy Experiment. The band was flawless, delivering exactly what I have come to expect of them. It was a great set, and some of the new songs were really interesting and not too similar to the British-electro-pop that they've often been likened to. However, the set was marred by a ridiculously violent moshpit and weak sound. I cannot understand why people even mosh to The Great Spy Experiment; it's predominantly dance music for crying out loud. The sound system did not do justice to the band either, with the bass significantly underpowered. I much preferred catching their set at Stasis 10 last year at the Substation, where it was an intimate experience between the band and the paying crowd of about 200 people. It is an unfortunate fact that free gigs invite troublemakers who just want to go crazy and spoil the experience for others.

About the volume- my guess is that there must have been complaints from the area; rumour has it that the powerhouse stage was shut down a few months ago because Minster Mentor Lee Kuan Yew found it too loud. My guess was more or less proven right the next day, when NEA officials came down with their sound-meters and demanded that the volumes be turned down, or the festival called off. Sigh. How can we support the arts and make our city-state more vibrant if we can't even tolerate a 3-day music festival once a year?

I couldn't make it the next day, unfortunately. I can't remember why. I would have loved to have caught Meza Virs, which I believe is the first bonafide metal band to grace the Baybeats stage. I was also looking forward to catching Suicide Solution, Flawed Element and In Each Hand A Cutlass- awesome bands. Another monumental step forward would be Opposition Party, old school punk veterans who've been around forever. Alas, I am told that they too were drastically underpowered on stage.

I went down on Sunday promising myself that I'd catch Audiocean, but only managed to catch the last couple of songs. Still, it was completely worth the rush- the energy was great and I'm very proud of them for owning the stage the way they did. I missed For Better Endings to catch Anberlin's acoustic set. It bugs me that I've still never actually caught a For Better Endings set, because I keep hearing their name so many times. It means that they've either had a meteoric rise to the top of their game, or that I've been out of touch with the scene for far too long. Probably both.

Anberlin's acoustic set was good. Stephen Christian's vocals are amazing- they're ridiculously high and polished! There was nothing special about the guitar playing or the harmonies, and the songs were decent. What made the set special was the crowd, which was absolutely packed and massive. I distinctly remember feeling a little chagrined, realising that it is extremely difficult for any local English band to get that sort of passionate support. On retrospect though, perhaps it's just a case of rarity? After all, if Plainsunset announced that they would be playing one last set before retiring, it would probably draw a crowd as significant. If Anberlin played at the Esplanade every weekend, we'd probably get bored after a while. Still, you feel me.

I then went to catch Inch Chua's solo acoustic/electronica set, which proved to be very interesting and rather pleasant. I think she's really developed as an artiste, both vocally and as a songwriter. The music is textured and very pleasant. Mark John, as he always has been, was absolutely killer on the guitar. Extremely musical, yet quirky and fun. I enjoyed it.

I only caught the last bit of Lunar Node's set, but it was nice to see that the crowd was really getting into them. I'm proud of them for coming so far so fast! Could really see their passion. I went over to the Powerhouse Stage to catch Zero Sequence, and they were mind-blowing. I remember catching Zero Sequence a long time ago and thinking that they were virtuoso wannabes. My perception has changed completely. They've gotten a new drummer (Big boy Shamyl!) and an amazing new vocalist (Mang?) who has an absolutely epic, theatric voice. The music soared and the showmanship did justice to it. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, and am proud to acknowledge them as a local band.

I caught slight bits of Jon Chan at the Arena, who never disappoints with his heartfelt music. I went over to the Powerhouse stage again where we caught The Ambassadors, a Filipino pop-punk band. They were absolutely awesome, with great musicianship, awesome riffs and rhythms and brilliant harmonies. The drummer was amazing too. I'd describe it as a sort of eclectic mix of Amber Pacific and All Time Low.

The main highlight of the entire festival of 2009 was, of course, Anberlin. I'd never actually listened to more than a couple of their tracks on MySpace or YouTube, but I always thought they were fairly decent at best. The set started late because of sound-check issues. I was going pretty psycho with anticipation at this point, because the crowd was so revved up. If any of you saw a shirtless indian guy making strange and unintelligable noises the top of his voice, it wasn't me.

The band came on suddenly and the volume was cranked up especially high for the occasion. (I like to think of it as the sound engineers' way of giving the finger to the authorities, but of course they would never actually acknowledge that even if it were true...) The volume was awesome. They had some problems with the mike at the beginning, but it was quickly sorted out. The volume was torrential and the music was epic; great sound, awesome showmanship from the band. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Oddly, the mosh didn't feel as ridiculously violent as GSE- probably because the most violent moshing was contained within a circle pit, which is the thoughtful and ethical thing to do.

The pinnacle of my Baybeats Experience so far still belongs to a Filipino band called Faspitch which played at Baybeats 2008. It was hands down the best large crowd I'd ever been a part of, and some of the best music I ever witnessed. It was a lot more intense, whereas Anberlin felt more crazy and mindless in comparison?

Still. Glad to be a part of the music.

72: stoning all day.

2009-08-30T03:22:00.002+08:00

I woke up really late, courtesy of the long and taxing day (and night). I did absolutely nothing. Read a little bit of a book. Re-lived my childhood by playing some Raptor and Doom. Been enjoying Songs To Wear Your Pants To, it's absolutely brilliant.

I'm getting uncomfortable at how much time has passed since I last got any work done whatsoever. I want to watch Anberlin tomorrow but I really haven't earned the right to.

73: baybeats 2009

2009-08-30T02:56:00.005+08:00

I went to the gym in the morning and met a friend in the afternoon. I got to ride on the open-air top of a Duck Tours bus, which was a fun experience. Would quite like to work with them part-time for a while after my A's!

The girlfriend joined us, she had to take a cab because she was lost and her handphone ran out of battery. We met a couple of more friends there, and we all went to catch Baybeats together. Met a few more friends and plenty of familiar faces. The music was alright. I was a little bit disappointed. Had dinner late and met some more friends at the void deck nearby, where we played Risk until 4am (which on retrospect, was a bad idea.)

Did absolutely no work at all.

74 days left.

2009-08-28T14:04:00.004+08:00

I spent pretty much all of today with the girlfriend. I hardly got any studying done, but it was a pleasant day. I feel like it would have been justified if I'd been studying the past few days, but I haven't.

75 days left.

2009-08-26T18:31:00.002+08:00

Today I went to Sakae Sushi with my classmates after school. I don't normally spend a lot of time with my classmates, so I thought that I ought to hang out with them. I did, and I had a good time. :)

76 days left.

2009-08-25T15:09:00.001+08:00

I know for a fact that I need to be doing a lot more to be at ease with myself. I will only allow myself more time for this when I have gotten my priorities right. I hate how I always say "it begins today" and never manage to follow through. I hope things change now, but even if they don't, I swear I'm never going to give up.

77: need to pick up the pace.

2009-08-25T15:01:00.003+08:00

Today was an average day. I was wide awake in school, which was somewhat unusual but very welcome. I managed to cover a decent amount of Cold War stuff, which is only one segment of International History. I met the girlfriend in the evening, and we probably wasted a little bit too much time because I was completely unproductive when I got home. Sigh.

78: lethargy

2009-08-23T12:49:00.001+08:00

Sleeping late last night was a bad idea, obvjously. What was strange was that I got up pretty early because my brothers were talking in my room, yet lay in bed for a couple more hours, then spent another 2 hours on the internet. I do feel like I was doing fairly decent stuff instead of the usual mindlessness, but it's time to put an end to this. I'm heading to the gym first, and when I get back I'll do broad overviews for international history as well as both macroeconomics and microeconomics. Ciao.

UPDATE: I did NOTHING. It wasn't really a bad thing though, it was kind of like taking a break, albeit an underserved one. I had a good workout at the gym which exhausted me. When I got home, I ate the Subway foot-long I'd bought, read the papers, then did some more reading. Oh yeah, I believe I went to meet my friends afterwards to play some Risk. It was pretty fun. But I got absolutely no work done. :(

it's only words

2009-08-23T01:52:00.000+08:00

This is going to sound a little unusual coming from me, but lately I've felt that my vocabulary is rather limited. I came to realise this over the past two months or so, as I've begun to read more books again. I used to be an extensive reader as a child and I've always been very expressive with my thoughts, but I've also always limited myself to the bare minimum when it comes to words. I strongly believe in a simple, minimalistic approach when it comes to communication. Any additional embellishment is unnecessary and only serves to cloud your message and confuse your audience. For the longest time, I was absolutely content with my level of expression and understanding.

Lately though, I've come to realise that there are actually quite a lot of words that I am uncertain about. I've reached the stage where sometimes I quite literally don't have the words I need to properly express myself. I've always pondered, ever since one of my enlightening KI classes, about the relationship between language and expression. Can you feel something that you cannot express? Does your mastery of your language affect the way you actually think? I was rather uncertain initially, but my present circumstances are proof that what I instinctively felt was true. As with music or even facial expressions, the more tools you have at your disposal and the better your mastery of them, the stronger the influence you have over the message which you desire to communicate.

To put it simply, as I always try to, a mastery of a mode of communication not only allows you to communicate better with others, but with yourself as well- and this can allow you to reach thoughts, emotions, arguments and feelings which you might not have been able to ascertain otherwise. When they're not fully fleshed out, I reason, they don't truly exist in the real sense. This is deja vu to me, because I have most definitely experienced it several times as a musician who has not come anywhere close to a reasonable mastery of my art. It's enlightening, it's frightening, and it's one of the most amazing feelings in the world- that you're actually making progress and covering new ground.

I am now fueled with a renewed passion for learning and understanding the written language, not because I want to impress you with my vocabulary, but because it will help me reach further outwards to express myself better, as well inwards to come to terms with what I might not have been able to express before.

It's such a simple idea, yet holds so much weight. I am humbled.

I feel it's also relevant to address why I stopped reading in the first place. Understanding it is important to me in developing a broader understanding of myself in general, and may be interesting or relevant to you. When I was a young child, I used to read voraciously. It was like jumping into new entire worlds- of fantasy, science, history, the human condition. I could go on for hours about all the magical experiences I had when I was reading as a child (and I certainly shall, but that's for another post). What I couldn't understand initially was why I had stopped reading, but it all makes sense to me now. I stopped reading heavily when I was about 13 or 14. The seemingly obvious answer is that I was won over by the flashing lights and sounds of computer games, anime, movies. Words on a page couldn't compare to that, surely?

I refused to believe that my mind would have been so easily won over by something so primal and juvenile. There had to be something more to it, and at some point recently, it clicked. I was fascinated not by the games themselves, but by the interactive and social element of it all. I was becoming more of an extrovert, spending lots of time making friends, getting into trouble- and in short, I had moved on from vicariously exploring the world of books to literally exploring the world that had opened up in front of me. Staying over at friends' houses, playing in a rock band, falling in love, drinking and smoking, witnessing the life and death of relationships, coming to terms with the reality of death itself... the books couldn't possibly compare to the world which was opening up before my eyes, and responding to my actions. On retrospect, it was like being a newborn baby all over again- touching and feeling the world around me, making mistakes, getting in trouble. The world is much less forgiving when you're an adolescent, but it really is like a second birth.

Things have changed now. I stopped reading because I felt like there was nothing more to learn from books (which is an absolutely absurd notion, you don't have to tell me) and I was far more interested in jumping into the deep end of life itself. (You could say that I was following the Pareto 80-20 principle) Now, it feels like I've come full circle. I'm 19 years old and I have gotten my fair share of the driver's wheel these past 7 years or so. I've made stupid decisions, and I've made good ones. I've been motivated by noble causes, and ridiculously desolate ones. Now it feels like I've learnt the bulk of what I was meant to learn from living life on the edge, and the time has come for me to return to the previous state. It's like a never-ending cycle. Right now, it feels like that there is so much that I have to learn about myself and the world around me from the wisdom of others. I have a deepened interest in philosophy, economics, sociology, mathematics... every single field of learning and understanding. I am making sense of the world around me, I am making sense of myself, and I am on the right path. Sometimes I do things for stupid reasons, but I've always needed a reason nevertheless. For the past 7-10 years, I didn't have a convincing reason to study hard. Now I do. (Just in time, too!)

It's such a simple idea, yet holds so much weight. I am humbled.

(Today I studied Southeast Asia history, doing a large overview of all the major topics in all the themes. I now have a confident and full understanding of the scope of the syllabus, and I'm probably going to do the same for international history tomorrow. It feels good, though I believe that I can pick up the pace. Going to go to the gym tomorrow for a nice satisfying workout. I hope my wrist doesn't hurt. Okay I'm going to drink a can of milo and go to bed. Yay Arsenal! Okay good night!)

79: Imperial Ambitions

2009-08-22T11:58:00.001+08:00

I didn't manage to get any studying done yesterday, but I have a fairly decent reason. (Well, better than "I was sitting in front of the computer" or "I was at the void deck with my friends") I had borrowed a few books from my school library (Cold War, Arab-Israeli Conflict, Ethics and Imperial Ambitions) and I found out yesterday that they were already overdue.

Imperial Ambitions is a book of interviews with Noam Chomsky. Chomsky is an amazing intellectual, one of those amazing guys who is incredibly well-read and has thought-provoking views on absolutely anything and everything. He's currently a lecturer on Linguistics at MIT, but his value is far more than that.

In Imperial Ambitions, he reveals, with the ambivalence of a man who has witnessed and considered more than the rest of us, many of the ridiculous atrocities with the US has committed and gotten away with over the years. The truth about Vietnam, Cuba, Nicaragua, Serbia, Iraq and many others is so much more simple than all the complex conspiracy theories we've all heard about, and in that respect it is also so much more horrifying. The hypocrisy is staggering. His insights on "manufactured consent" are enlightening, and his criticisms on foreign policy are moving.

He is an amazing, inspiring man with eloquence, elegance and powerful views that are put across with child-like simplicity. I was so shaken, intellectually, after reading Imperial Ambitions that I couldn't bring myself to pick up my notes because it seemed so petty in comparison to the powerful ideas that I had just internalized and am still working hard to properly absorb.

There is so much we have to accomplish, and worrying about generic examinations seem so foolish and inconsequential in comparison to the issues in the world today. I must remind myself firmly that I have to get past this hurdle if I am to be taken seriously in our society.

Today will be a productive day. To be consistent with what I promised myself yesterday, I'm not going to make further posts until I get a significant amount of revision done. Cheers!

(Do read his debates and views at http://www.chomsky.info/)

80 Days Left

2009-08-21T18:15:00.000+08:00

It's 6:13PM on a Friday evening. I am physically a little bit weary; we played rugby for PE yesterday and I am aching in some unusual places. That said, I am going to get started on some SEA History revision as well as do a GP essay for my tutor. Incidentally, the question is "Should the word failure ever be used in education?" I get annoyed at how vaguely defined some GP essay questions tend to be. Are we talking about formal education specifically? Obviously we don't have to, but if I branch out too much then I will have an interesting essay but no clear, central argument. Limitations can be challenging, but sometimes they're just plain annoying. I score well nevertheless, but I am left feeling unsatisfied as a writer. I understand now why celebrities love it when journalists ask them good questions- sometimes you really can't go anywhere with a bad one.

Anyway, I will do the essay and the history revision and update on my status maybe a little past midnight. f I accomplish what I hope to, I'll reward myself (and you) by continuing on the introductory post as well as do another post about the things I intend to pursue and accomplish after my A levels are done.

To a fruitful session!

Human Rights

2009-08-21T18:06:00.000+08:00

Section A: What are human rights?
Human rights are what we believe that we are entitled to. We try to have broad, "universal" human rights such as the right to life and liberty, freedom of expression, and equality before the law; economic, social and cultural rights and everything else covered in the UN Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR). In reality, however, the concept of entitlement varies from community to community. For example, I don't see why we should be entitled to bear arms- but that is my personal opinion, derived from my personal experience, and may not apply to another person living elsewhere in the world in completely different circumstances.

Section B: Why should we care about human rights?
I shall sidestep the messy cesspit of moralistic arguments- The denial or limitation of human rights limits the holistic development of individuals. Why should we care about individuals? Because they make up larger communities. Why should we care about communities? Because they contribute to the human race as a whole. Think about it- it is no coincidence that countries which deny basic human rights are also the most economically and socially backward. Every woman or child who is denied an education is denied the opportunity to change the world. Who knows how many geniuses we might have overlooked already? If we want to find a cure for cancer or AIDS, it would certainly help if we had more of our best brains working on it.

Section C: Should we be optimistic or pessimistic about the campaign for human rights?
At a personal level, I believe that we should be optimistic about it because being pessimistic never helped anybody. That said, I think that optimism at this juncture can be justified. As the world progresses (the pervasiveness of the media, integration of economies, blah blah blah) , it is becoming increasingly difficult for any regime to deny people their rights because of pressure from the global community. There is a worrying instance where this doesn't hold true, though, and that is when fear is brought into the picture. Fear of terrorism or random violence, for example, can convince people to give up their freedoms in the name of safety. There are frightfully convincing conspiracy theories abound about how it's all a big scheme by the international elite to exploit the masses. I do believe that as long as we have intelligent and well-informed people in the world who dare to stand up and speak out, things will just progressively keep getting better. Of course, we can't afford to ever get stagnant and take things for granted. Nobody wants to be remembered as the generation that messed it all up.

Section D: What does the continued campaign for human rights imply about the human condition? So deep! I suppose it suggests that we do have a sense of shared destiny, that we disapprove of injustice and that we do desire peace and prosperity for everyone, at least at a superficial level. We ought to take that with a pinch of salt though, because idealistic movements naturally resonate with the more idealistic elements within us. We might claim to want to provide human rights for everyone, but we would probably be disturbed (but not surprised) by the number of people who would rather let the oppressed remain oppressed so that they feel superior (and safe). Does that sound like a crazy idea?

Let me propose a hypothetical scenario- if you could alter history such that the mainland Chinese would be denied the right to migrate and seek out a better life for themselves, knowing that it would drastically reduce competition in schools and in the workforce here, would you do it? What do you reckon the average Singaporean would choose (let's assume his vote were secret :P)? It might seem like the rational thing to do to promote your own (and your offspring's) chance of survival, and thousands of years of primitive thinking has hardwired that sort of instinctive decision making into our brains. Logically (and morally) though, it's the wrong thing to do. Perhaps one of the most revealing truths about the human condition is that we care about ourselves more than we care about each other.

what i'm up against

2009-08-21T16:07:00.000+08:00

I have a lot of material to cover in preparation for my A levels. I figured that it would be a good starting point (for myself as well as you, dear voyeuristic reader! I jest) for this blog, and for my revision. Here we go:

H2 MATHEMATICS

01. Sequences & Series
02. Mathematical Induction
03. Binomial Series
04. System of Linear Equations & Inequalities
05. Curves & Transformation
06. Functions
07. P & C
08. Differentiation & App
09. Maclaurin's Series
10. Integration
11. Diff Equation
12. Vectors
13. Complex Numbers
14. Probability
15. Sampling Methods
16. Binomial/Poisson/Normal Distributions
17. Sample Mean
18. Hypothesis Testing

H2 ECONOMICS

Microeconomics
Scarcity, Choice, Opportunity Cost
Resource Allocation in Competitive Markets
Firms & How They Operate
Market Failure
- Market Dominance
- Externalities
- Inequity
Government Intervention
- Rationale
- Methods
- Failure

Macroeconomics
Key Economic Indicators (GDP/GNP, Inflation, Unemployment, Exchange Rate, BOP)
Income/Employment Determination
Macroeconomic Aims & Issues (Economic growth, maximum employment, stable price levels/exchange rates/balance of payments)
Macroeconomic Policies (Fiscal Policies, Monetary Policies, Supply-side Policies)
International Economics (Benefits from Trade, Globalization, Protectionism, FTAs)

H2 History
International History
The United Nations and Global Affairs (1945-2000)
The Cold War And How It Shaped The World (Origins, Extension, End)
The Development Of The Global Economy
Conflict and Co-operation (Arab-Israeli Conflict, Indo-Pakistan Conflict)

Southeast Asian History
ASEAN: 1967-1997
How Independence Was Achieved (Pre-WW2, Japanese Occupation, Post-WW2)
Challenges to Independent South East Asian States (Liberal Democracy? Maximum Govt? Role of Military? Communist Influence? National Unity? Minorities?)
Regional Conflicts and Co-operation (Political Disputes? Racial/Religious Influences?)

H1 Literature
Unseen Poetry
Great Expectations (Dickens)
Othello (Shakespeare)

H1 General Paper
General Paper is General!

All of the above (especially History) are just main points that go into much deeper detail. I realise that the list is not completely fleshed out and I am tempted to list it out, but I figure that it would be an unproductive use of time that would be better spent actually studying for now.

introductions

2009-08-19T19:47:00.000+08:00

My name is Visakan Veerasamy, and in this blog I am going to be brutally honest with you, and more importantly, myself.

I'm 19 years old this year, born and raised in Singapore. I am a genuinely rational and intelligent person. There are many, many things that I am passionate about, proud to have achieved and look forward to accomplishing. I am a musician, an activist, a writer. A friend, a lover, a fighter.

For 13 of these 19 years of my life though, I have been defined by something which I have rarely considered to be of much importance, which is my formal education. Regardless of all my hopes, dreams, talents and aspirations, I am constantly reminded by my family and the System that I am ultimately defined, during this phase of my life, as a student. Let me give you a brief history of my experience with the Singaporean education system.

I went to Opera Estate Primary School, which was a pleasant neighbourhood school. I would consistently top classes without studying or paying attention in class, but I never thought much of it then. In Primary 3, I transfered to St. Hilda's Primary School where I had qualified for the Gifted Education Programme (the entrance test for which I did on a whim rather than any ulterior motive). Over the next 3 years I would find myself challenged and inspired, but I still didn't develop any study skills and frequently got into trouble for not completing or handing in my assignments. I made friends with kids fronm everywhere, and was just starting to realise the implications of being labelled "gifted". I didn't study for my PSLE, and got a T-score of 245. (A* for English and Science, A for Math and Tamil) I can still remember my dad slapping me when I showed it to him, because 245 was not going to get you to Raffles Institution.

I went to Victoria School instead, and those of you who know me personally will certainly know that I consider it to be one of the best things that ever happened to me. It was a wonderful experience. The GEP folks at MOE put me on a probation status-I would have to deliver the results that they wanted, or I would be asked to leave the Gifted and rejoin the mainstream. You can imagine what happened. I still hadn't developed any study skills, having invested far more points in improvisation than preparation. I flunked Secondary 1 (GEP), and was promoted to an average Secondary 2 class. I figured that I would be aceing "normal" work, but it wasn't the case. There was simply too much content that I was unfamiliar with, I was far too complacent and hanging out with the slackers at the back of the classroom did not help.

At the end of Secondary 2, I chose a class with 7 subjects instead of 8, thinking that the free periods would be pretty awesome to do homework or study. It turned out to be a poor academic decision; most of the guys in my class were people who were academically weak or had no discipline, and none of us ended up doing any homework. (It didn't make sense to do it if everyone else didn't, and the class was going to get scolded anyway.) We would do crazy things like climb out of school to go play LAN at Zion at Roxy Square, and had all kinds of fun. We just never really paid our studies much attention.

(to be continued)